Monday, January 20, 2014

Lying down on the job.

Today I am contemplative and I don't know any other way to be. It is very unlike me to be this way, although I have a vague memory of being this way in the past. I am not happy or sad, but very thoughtful and turned inward and I am considering all sorts of things. None of them are really matters of life or death, but obviously they are important to me. Maybe I have finally calmed down enough to contemplate them.

I suppose the thing I really think about the most is what my role is here in this life, and what I have come up with that makes the most sense is, that I have helped create one heck of a human being in the form of my daughter. If there was no other mission in life that I had, I have done at least that and I also have to add that I think I can take equal pride in my grandson. I may not have achieved much in my own life, but they seem to achieve much in theirs.

Maybe that has been my purpose here in this life. That does make me feel good enough and gives me a sense of fulfillment. I happened so I could bring about them. Isn't that an amazing thing? I am glad that I have come to that realization and that I can appreciate the significance of it. In a round about way, I am making my mark, not by what I am personally achieving, but by what my offspring and her offspring are. That at the same time is my sweet revenge, but I must not speak of that.
Well, that was my brilliant thought for today and a glimpse into my way of thinking. I wrote the above a few hours ago and had to let it sink in myself too, but what I wrote still holds true now.
Some of you have expressed concern about my state of mind after I wrote my last blog post and I reread it, but don't understand the concern. I can defend myself and say there is nothing to worry about, but if I don't understand the concern, that would be a false promise. All I can say is that I am seeing my psychiatrist in the morning and that I will discus it with him. Whatever "it" is.


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