I had the oddest going to bed ritual last night. I took a tall glass of cold beer and a bag of salted peanuts to bed with me and believe me, I never do anything like that, so I too never cease to surprise myself. I was very thirsty and thought the beer would take care off that and also help me sleep, but I woke up in the middle of the night with the bag of peanuts beside me in the bed and half the glass of beer on the nightstand. I will never be any fun as a drunk in an American cocktail bar. I just don't know how to party. I'm a failure when I'm up to no good.
Of course, what was left of that beer didn't look in the least appealing, so I made some coffee instead, not that it quenches the thirst that I now have because of the salted peanuts. Ha, you win some, you lose some and somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Beer and I never did get along that well. I drank it when I was in my late teens for a while and I gained ten pounds just from doing that. It may have been nutritional, but it was fattening also. Oh yes, I do remember regularly eating pizza and spaghetti at that time too. I was in my formative years.
I had no business being in a strange country already married to someone who was 11 years older than me at that age, and I still don't know how that came about because I certainly put no effort into bringing it about. It was almost like an arranged marriage that my spouse and my mother had agreed on. Would you trust your 17 year old to make such a big decision? I was as naïve as they come.
All my life I have wanted to be a wise adult and it seems that I have finally become one, but it certainly took me long enough because my time was taken up with so many other things. I got my chronology a bit screwed up, but I am glad that I have a few decades left to take advantage of what I know now and I try not to look back with regrets. I did so many important things when I absolutely had no idea what I was doing and I do think that's a damn shame. I do take advantage of the fact that I am now an autonomous woman and I would be very hard pressed to give it up or to ever again take the responsibility over another person's life. I do see how incredibly precarious that is.