Yesterday evening, I was exhausted from all the work I had done for joining the corporate rat race and entering my relevant information into all the proper forms. I had no idea ahead of time how much work and energy was involved in getting all my statistics out there to assure that I made a chance on the job market and, of course, to start of with, I went about it ass backwards. I was also in a state of shock finding myself in a position of having to work at least 30 hours a week in order to provide myself with enough income to live on and, although I am forever an optimist, I was boggled by this number of hours.
I talked with my case manager at Social Services over the phone in the morning to let him know that I had signed up at the employment website, and he was very surprised to hear it and voiced quite some concern about my ability to pull this off. I told him how necessary it was that I did this, but he sounded very doubtful that it was a good idea. He did in the end tell me about a local website that was established especially for people more like me who would have a harder time getting back on the job market and where I could leave my résumé and apply for a job. I did that as soon as I could.
I had an appointment with my psychiatrist in the afternoon, and his reaction was the same, if not more serious, as my case manager. I saw in his eyes that I was completely on the wrong path, but I don't know what else to do. I am so determined to save myself financially from ruin.
Today I have signed up with two temp agencies and completed the very detailed sign up work at the employment website. I also applied for a few jobs. I have to have balls and act like I can take on any sort of work.
Another thing I did, was take a huge nap this afternoon because I was so tired of taking care of all the details, and I wondered how it was going to be when I was actually working. I slept deeper than I have done in a long time and woke up completely refreshed but ready to take on the world. I do have to say that I have renewed courage, but that I do have my doubts about my whole scheme too. I actually feel like I am playing a part in a movie and that it is going to come to an end some time soon and that I can then take a bow and get back to my normal life.