Saturday, December 21, 2013

A heck of a lot of a little.

When I feel good, like I do now, I always want to check and make sure that I am not becoming hypomanic, because the danger of it lurks in a small corner. I will assume that I have some sort of handle on it now by being aware of it, and I will proceed to write with the enthusiasm that I feel and not let myself be distracted too much by my inhibitions. Besides, I do still feel a certain amount of inner peace and calm, and I have to assume that they carry some weight too in my decision making on what to write about. I am not a fallen leaf completely at the mercy of the wind that blows it in whatever direction.
Having established that, I can now tell you that I had a pretty decent day yesterday, but that it is not a good idea for me to be alone in the apartment with a big box full of all sorts of delicious food items. There is too much temptation in wanting to try them all out and then not being able to stop myself from having more of them. I have no self control to when something tastes good and I normally am not in possession of it. That is why I shop with a grocery list on purpose: so I will not do any spur of the moment buying or go down aisles I have no business being in. I am like a kid that can't be left alone with the cookie jar.
Even as I write this, I still have a sore stomach because my eyes were bigger than it at dinnertime and then I ended up eating applesauce for dessert too because I thought it would soothe the sore spots. Of course, that kind of reasoning will get me into trouble, but it was a nice try. I could now claim that I will never do that again, but I am not so sure about that. As long as there is abundance, I will indulge. It is a good thing that I am not independently wealthy, because I would probably spend the money on too much food and become a big round woman. No, that is not true. When I was well off, I was skinny and ate healthy things.
I had my hair cut yesterday and I am glad because this is also a small indulgence that I allow myself every 6 weeks. Luckily, because of a Christmas gift from a kind person in my life, I had the cash to pay for it and it didn't hurt my wallet so much. When you are of slender means, there is nothing better than looking well cared for and having a good haircut is at the top of my list. That, and having decent shoes to wear. I now again have hair that stays in place no matter what, and that I can wake up with and run my fingers through and look good with. When I can't do that, it is time to go get it cut.
I ordered a new diary for 2014, but I got one that will fit even in my smallest purse so that I can always bring it with me. I often did not this year and then could not plan my appointments well. I didn't get a diary with a special theme this time like I always did before. I went for the right size and price and I like how practical I was and not at all concerned with looks. I guess the theatrical details are less important now. I don't need to make the dramatic gestures.
I just realized that I forgot to take the medication for the fibromyalgia last night and that is why I am getting achy now. That was not such a smart move. It must have been the shock of my full stomach that made me forget. I'll take care of that right now.   

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