I am for the moment not going to make any broad statements about myself, because I don't know what's true about my behavior and attitude at this point. I am sure that I am in a period of transition and that I will get to some sort of destination in the end, whether or not that's the one I want to be at. I assume it will be the one I will be the most comfortable at and the one that will be most unforced and honest. I am trying to let this transition happen naturally without too much interference from me, meaning I will not try to manipulate things to go my way and give them a more exciting outcome than they are meant to have. It all seems so logical and easy written down, but I yet have to make it come true. Have to allow it to come true.
I am not getting the usual thrill from the coffee and I think that because I am taking the extra dose of the antipsychotic, I don't have the capacity for it. It was all very well to induce artificial excitement, but when you have enough of your own, it maybe is not such a good idea. As a matter of fact, I will go back to bed and finish sleeping because that is what I want to do most. This must be some sort of sanity that is taking me over, because it sounds awfully sensible and if it is possible, it is what I would like to become at this age. There will be no thrills a minute and living dangerously on the edge, but there is something to be said for being safe too.