I can't get around acknowledging that it's Christmas today, although, so far, I notice very little of it. If I turn on the television, I can watch some very schmaltzy shows, but I certainly don't want to do that because I am allergic to them. Imagine Andre Rieu addressing an adoring audience in German in fake snow and his orchestra members with Santa hats on. Blegh. How low can a man fall? No, give me a cathedral with a good choir or two under the able hands of a good choir master and let them sing the roof down. That's what I want to hear at Christmas.
I am not at all the 'bah humbug' kind of person, and at one time I was also a major consumer at Christmastime. I also fell for the commercialism of it hook, line and sinker when I still lived a middle class life in the States, with my 2.4 children and two cars and house in the suburbs. It is amazing how your environment shapes you and how you start to act like the people you most associate with. Especially when you are relatively young and still somewhat malleable in your opinions. You've got to have an enormous sense of self not to get caught up in the general turmoil of whatever national holiday is celebrated.
I have to say that I enjoyed one thing a lot, and that was decorating the tree, a deed which I exercised as if it was a lost art. I bought new ornaments for it every year and they had to be the imported, authentic kind from Scandinavia and Germany and I was in cohorts for this search with a good friend. We started getting that crazed look in our eyes late October and no store that sold ornaments was safe for us. One store in particular, Pier 1 Imports, was a favorite hunting ground. I think we went there at least once a week to see if there was anything new and we were often rewarded.
I don't have room for a tree in my apartment now, but I did not feel like decorating for Christmas at all. I didn't want to put too much emphasis on the holiday to make me that aware of the fact that I was alone for it. I had hoped to celebrate it with my daughter and grandson in Houston, but that turned out to be a pipedream, and now it looks like that will never happen again. I think it was a bit naïve of me to assume that a tradition like that would be started and maintained. It was too much to wish for. I better get used to the fact that I entertain myself at the holidays and make sure that I always have my own plans. I am sure I will be quite capable of this.
One thing that is very nice, and that is that my medicines are working well today and I am feeling amazingly calm and serene. I am so very appreciative of this that nothing else matters. This is true 'peace on earth' for me. If I never got another gift, than this would be enough.