Regardless...

In spite of my intention not to be awake during the night, I find myself up and about in the early hours of the morning anyway. I had a good enough sleep, but it just wasn't a very long one. Never mind, I'm sure I will catch up again at some point. It isn't important now. What is important is that it is now officially my birthday and I have that birthday feeling too of slight excitement and anticipation at what the day will bring. I feel like a young kid and like I'm turning 12, although I don't remember my 12th birthday, so no doubt it wasn't such a big deal. I do know that I was in my first year in secondary school and that it was tough and I had to get used to it very much, but no doubt I was too young to be in it.

I'm sitting here now with my second cup of coffee, in my bathrobe, and very optimistically waiting for the real morning to start. It hasn't started raining yet like it said it would and with a little bit of luck it won't rain at all this morning, which would be fortuitous if I'm to go downtown this morning. It's supposed to rain in the southwest first and then slowly come over here. It depends of your interpretation of slowly. I don't mind getting wet on the way home, I can get dried off once I get there. It's when I go there that I don't want to get wet. There's nothing more miserable than walking around downtown soaking wet.

I can't wait to pick out my present, especially since I possibly know what it is going to be and hoping I can find it. I will walk straight into the store to the right department and pick out the right size and color. Then we're going to have coffee and then my sister has to go to work.

I've turned 56 today, but except for the traces my age has left on my body, the number is meaningless. I feel as young as I did when I was in my 30's and in many ways I have not aged, though I must add that I have grown wiser and would not want to lose that wisdom that has been hard to come by. It's ironic that I should grow sage when I'm in my 50's while other people have managed that much earlier, but maybe they have not gone through the School of Hard Knocks. Or maybe they were not as backward and naive as I was. I seem to make discoveries about myself and life that I should have made much sooner and I'm glad I'm making them now, but I should have known these thing much earlier in life. I could have saved myself much trouble.

Nevertheless, I know them now and I hope I get to apply them for another 30 years or so. Long enough to make it worthwhile anyway. I do hope to do some good with it. Even if it's just for the sake of myself. I do hope to live to a healthy ripe old age and gain some good experiences out of life. One thing I think I'm saved of, and that is that I will grow old as a bitter woman. There was some danger of that at one point, but I'm not worried about that anymore. I'm not bitter at this point and see no reason to be so in the future. I hope that stays that way. It's best if I keep living my life my own way, according to my own rules.

So much philosophizing so early in the morning. I told you that's when I'm at my best. Any endeavor I start, I should start at this time of the day. That's when it should be most successful. I can imagine that if I had the space and the materials, I would create the best works of art now. But that's just speculation. The proof would be in the pudding and there is no pudding until I get the opportunity.

I haven't heard anything about the creative and music classes yet, but I was not expecting to. There are the waiting lists and I haven't been on them very long. I will call in a month and make sure they haven't forgotten about me. I'm sure the system works and I have nothing to worry about. One of these days there will be a letter in the mail.

It's amazingly cold for how warm it is supposed to be in here and I wonder if the thermostat is telling me the right temperature or if it is an optimistically tuned one. Maybe it is hanging in a warm pocket of air. Maybe I have to calculate in the draft chill factor. I have socks on and haven't been without for three days. I even wear them in bed, because it's chilly under the duvet at night. I lie there and wait for my space to get warmed up and avoid the cold places. It would be worse with cold feet, but I have notoriously cold feet. That's okay, I'd rather not be warmed up like an oven in bed, which is the problem when you sleep with someone else. That's only good in really cold winters when the ice is on the windows and that never happens, knock on wood.

I'm amazingly free of anxiety. I'm full of good cheer and I'm looking forward to the day. When I was cleaning out the dresser drawers, I found stuff to decorate the room with for a birthday and I just may do that today. I can at least blow up the balloons and Tyke can play with them afterwards. No doubt he'll pop every one of them, but that will be part of the fun. I'm going to look at those items now.

Have a splendid day. I wish you could all come over to help me celebrate.

Ciao,
Nora