Thursday, October 10, 2013

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

I was so badly in need of a cup of coffee, that I didn't wait for it to cool of and almost scalded my mouth drinking it. But it sure was worth it and now I am almost at a normally functioning level. It will just take one more cup and I should be bright eyed and bushy tailed and capable of great things. Ha, I wish I could honestly say that last thing was true, but I doubt very much they are going to happen. I am still limited by the pull of gravity and by the lack of wings. The weather is not all that great either. I will only metaphorically take flight.

When I saw my therapist yesterday, we decided that she should be no longer it, and that I will have a new one. I think I have given it a fair enough chance, because we have had this problem in our relationship come up before and I tried very hard to get over it after discussing it with her. I just do not feel comfortable enough discussing my life's events with her and I feel that I always have a defensive wall up when I am with her. I did not have this with my previous therapist, and do not have it with my psychiatrist, so there must be something the matter in our mutual chemistry.

I have made a decision about the rehabilitation center and I am not going to pursue that whole process. Fibromyalgia is the only rheumatic disorder that gets treated with behavior therapy and psychological analysis, this despite the professionals saying that it is not a psychological disorder. No one takes into account that I have a bipolar disorder and that I am in active treatment for that and that I am not waiting to be analyzed all over again by another set of specialists. I am certainly not going to tell my life story all over again.

Some ten or twenty odd years ago, rheumatic arthritis was looked at the same way until a lab test was developed for it and it could be shown what the problem was, and now it is treated with medicines and physiotherapy. It was stated by my rheumatologist that the anti-inflammatory medicines didn't help with the fibromyalgia very much, but that is not my experience at all. For me they make a difference between night and day and when I take them, I function pretty darn good. Oh, and by the way, it was also casually mentioned by the rheumatic nurse, who could look into my complete medical records, that I also have osteoarthritis. That probably explains the hellish pain in my knee.
So you see, I am a bit cynical about this whole fibromyalgia thing and I am just going to not get in the rat race of it and pursue my own course of treatment.


VioletSky said...

It's good to recognize the limits of any relationship. No need for blame, sometimes, it just doesn't work.

Maggie May said...

Well at least you've got the therapist sorted out. It is definitely true that we gel with some people and not with others. If you have to open up to someone then you'd need to be at ease with them and to be able to trust your gut feeling with them.
Better luck with the next one.
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Cameron Von St James said...

Hey I have a quick question about your blog, could you email me when you have a chance? Thanks! -Cam

Connie Rose said...

Trust your instincts in all cases -- with the therapy situation, which you've taken the initiative to change, and to the meds which are working for you. Doctors are always trying to get us to fit into specific boxes when each of us is an individual, both in body and mind.
Much love to you.

Wisewebwoman said...

I second Connie Rose. I disregarded my own instincts for so long and in hindsight they were bang on.

Good for you.