Tuesday, October 15, 2013

It happened again.

I was hypomanic again and it wasn't until these last couple of days that I realized I had been. I was it for quite some time, but I can't look back and say, "that's when it started." I slowly stopped being it and yesterday it really dawned on me that I had been hypomanic and making all sorts of decisions while is was in that state. It was only a week or so ago that my psychiatrist asked me if I was and I answered him sincerely that I was not, because when I am hypomanic, I have no idea that I am. I am the last person you should ask that question of and rather base your answer on the observations you make yourself. I think he must have had a suspicion that I was.
My personal helper, who I see every Monday, told me yesterday that she thought that I had been, but that she had not confronted me with it, because she thought that I would have gotten angry with her. She had also wanted to call my psychiatrist, but did not for the same reason. I told her yesterday that she absolutely had my permission to and that I thought it was very important that she does, because she is a keen and frequent observer of my moods and behavior. If anyone can tell things are not 'normal,' than she can.
I think I get hypomanic about 4 or 5 times a year and I am it for weeks or months at the time. Like I said, I don't know that I am until I stop being it, and then it is too late to undo whatever damage I have done in that stage. All I can do, is return to my 'normal' life and hope that I stayed within the law and did not hurt anybody else too much. I think I put my foot in my mouth many times when I am hypomanic and end up hurting the people I love most. I won't give you a litany of my 'crimes,' but it is an embarrassment as usual. One or two of them you may even be able to figure out for yourselves.
I am going to my first (in a long time) yoga class today and my daughter sent me the money through Pay Pal to buy a yoga mat. I think I can get one at the sporting goods store that is just a block from here, so I will go there this week. I want to make sure first that I really want to join the yoga class after trying it once. It's possible that with my stiff and sore body it will turn out to be a disaster, but I must look at it optimistically and assume it will be the perfect exercise for me. My daughter told me that with my physical limitations, and my hypomania, yoga should be the perfect sport for my body and mind.
For her daytime job, my daughter is an attorney, but in her spare time, she teaches yoga and she is very good at it and has built up quite a reputation. She can do the most difficult positions that I as a older, inexperienced person could only dream of. I tried to follow one of her classes once and it was very tough and nearly impossible for me to do. That's why I only tried it once.
I just had to take another anti-inflammatory pill and a paracetamol, but I looked at the clock and saw it was past the time to. The system does work and the pills do work about 12 hours. It is a good thing that some things are so reliable. I do need every bit of predictability in my life.


Cassie said...

I am happy you were able to see that you had been in a hypomanic state and that you did'nt get into any trouble. It can be hard to know what pjhase of illness one is inn when they are in it. People that know us best are sometimes the 1st see things changing but don't mention it soon enough for us to make the proper med adjustments.
I think the yoga will be fun for you and just stretch enough into poses that cause no pain. Make sure to tell the instrutor of you pain spots and they will likely tell you an alternate pose to do. Have fun.

Rob-bear said...

I didn't know you were hypomanic, Irene. But I don't understand the condition very well. Still, I hope you survived it with no "fall-out," and that you are better equipped to deal with the next bout.

I also hope you enjoy your yoga. My wife taught yoga for a number of years; now, our daughter-in-law does. Take it easy and you'll be fine. As Cassie said, let your instructor know what hurts, and that person can be very gentle, and helpful.

Blessings and Bear hugs!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Good for you to start the yoga! It's so helpful for your body and mind.
Isn't it funny how our perspective can shift just like that? Makes you aware of how much we go through life not noticing little shifts.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Good for you to start the yoga! It's so helpful for your body and mind.
Isn't it funny how our perspective can shift just like that? Makes you aware of how much we go through life not noticing little shifts.

Wisewebwoman said...

I can see Yoga will benefit you tremendously.

No point in crying over the spilt milk, right? Kudos for recognising it.

And those who love you will understand.


VioletSky said...

oh, please do try the yoga class more than once. it does take awhile to get comfortable and if you don't click with the instructor find another. I had a great teacher once and she never made me feel bad for not being able to do some of the moves, she simply gave me alternatives that I could manage and all was good.

Gail said...

I'm reading backwards so know you are well and have triumphed once again. Good for you.