Thank goodness for strong cups of coffee that make my brain cells function properly and in a semi logical manner. That does not mean I want to face what's ahead of me the next couple of days, but for now I am functioning just fine. Since I am living in the moment, or at least am trying to, that is a good thing. It is nice to be in denial and pretend no sword of Damocles is hanging over my head. I have almost convinced myself that it is hanging on a very strong rope that is not about to unravel. Maybe that is the same as believing in a higher power, which I wish I did.
I feel I need to put my faith in something bigger than me, because I don't have a lot of faith in myself right now, what with my self esteem being a bit at the low end. My ego has shrunk to the size of a microbe that can only be observed under a microscope. Well, for the sake of drama, I am slightly exaggerating. It probably isn't all that small and with a bit of effort and good luck, I could even inflate it. And I am not claiming to be depressed, because I still love life to an extend and still have high hopes that the near future will look better.
I am purposely dressing in cheerful colors, because although I don't feel all that sunny, that is the disposition I want to reflect to the world. Yesterday, I wore bright yellow and red, and today I will wear yellow and apple green. I want people to take notice and think to themselves, "There goes a bright and sunny woman." If I could dress Tyke in a bright yellow sweater, I would do it.
Much to my own surprise, I am reading a novel, but only in the evening for about an hour before I go to sleep. I stumbled on one that I had not read in 20 years and had forgotten everything about, so it is like reading a new book. I find my bed to be the only comfortable place I can read in, my armchair just won't do at all. I need to be in a reclining position and be able to go to sleep immediately when I feel the urge to. It is a Dutch novel I am reading and it is possible that I have now come to a point that I am more comfortable reading in that language as opposed to English.