Sunday, August 04, 2013


My mental stability seems to be fine so far, although after I take the second dose of my antipsychotic medication at the end of the afternoon, I do seem to get a bit lightheaded. These are the leftover 1mg tablets that I still had and maybe they are past their use by date. I will have to look on the box later this morning and see what it is. There are only three tablets left and I will have to order a new supply, so it is really no problem in the long run.
If I am going through withdrawal symptoms, I am not especially aware of them. I am not exhibiting any sort of odd behavior anyway. I think I would know about it if I were. I am a keen enough observer of my own behavior to notice it. As a matter of fact, sometimes I wish I weren't and that I was more oblivious. But at the same time, it's what makes me such a good patient for my psychiatrist, because I can tell him everything he needs to know about me as if I were his assistant on location out in the field.
I do still rely on cups of coffee to keep my energy levels up during the course of the day and I have been thinking that this is really not such a good thing. It may mean that I am still taking too much medication and I should really cut down on the coffee and find out. At the end of the afternoon I especially feel an enormous drain and always have to fix a pot to keep me going. So, my next ambition is to cut down on the caffeine if I can. It will be a bit of a challenge.
When I first found out I was manic depressive, I had no idea how to deal with it and I was like a bouncing ball ricocheting between my different moods as if I had no control over them. I felt like a victim and not like someone who was in charge of her life anymore. It took me a long time to get the sense of control back over it again, but I did in the end.
I thought I would always be depressed, but it turns out that it is the mania that I have to deal with that needs to be kept in bounds. It is a wonderful thing to be manic a little bit, but that goes a long way and it isn't always very pleasant. When I am hypomanic, I think I can take on the world, but when I land back on earth, I find very often that I have overcommitted myself and that I have to cancel many of the things that I had taken on.
It does make me awfully brave and I do get things accomplished that really need to get done, so it has that advantage also. It is at times like these that I should be a world traveler. I would bravely go all over the place.  


Gail said...

I am productive in certain moods. Maybe I have a touch of that or maybe we are both normal!

Have a great weekend.

Wisewebwoman said...

I am at the light end of the manic-depressive scale.

So I can relate. Now I'm in the curl up and do nothing end of it with mild depression but not like before when it would take all my energy not to do something drastic.

I roll with it. And like you I so enjoy the mania of it.


Maggie May said...

You know, Irene, that when I first *met* you through the blog, you were in a bad state whereas now you seem to be very much more in control of everything. I think it is your understanding of the illness thats made the difference. Bi Polar seems a kinder title, don't you think?
Maggie x

Nuts in May