Friday, February 01, 2013

Fixed that minor error.

It was not the AdAware Virus Program that I needed, because I already have a virus scanner, but the PC Cleaner. I downloaded it and it cleaned up my whole hard drive and all of my files so my computer runs much better. It starts up a lot quicker than it did before I did a scan that removed many things of which I assumed they were safe to remove. The computer has not crashed, so I guess everything is alright. I was my own guinea pig in this test case. 

I f you ask me how I feel, I will tell you that I do not know yet. The jury is out and will have to be consulted at another time. I did see my psychiatrist this afternoon and he could clearly see that I was not the much contented and satisfied person that I used to be. It is his opinion that the pressure of my job is having a negative effect on me, but he thinks that it is up to me to decide if I want to continue with it or quit. Whatever I decide, he will back me up. 

Because I want my peace of mind back, and my contentment, and because I do not want to slide head first into a depression, I think I will quit my job. That will not be as simple as it sounds. I am supposed to work to guarantee my income and I can get penalized financially which would be very painful. My contact person at Social Services may not be too happy with my decision. 

I am already somewhat depressed, but I am most of the time pretending not to be by ignoring it. I take two tranquilizers a day and they somewhat ease the pain. I do not know if this is going to get better after I have made my final decision and have dealt with all the repercussions. Right now I feel like I am plodding through a swamp of  over sized problems and they are pulling at my feet.

I am sure things will look a lot better once I have all this behind me and my life back in order. Back to how it used to be. 


Friko said...

O dear that doesn’t sound good.
I always find that while I am dithering without coming to a conclusion things are worst. Usually, when the decision is made and acted upon I feel much better.

But you have an additional problem about your welfare payments, which makes it all so much harder. Is there any point in waiting for the job to get clarified? While you have little to do you could perhaps hang on and await developments?

Rob-bear said...

To err is human; to forgive is against government policy.

When I was on disability, I went back to work, to see if I could work creatively. (I may have mentioned that.) Anyhow, after three months it became abundantly clear that going back to work was not good for me. So my disability continued. A few years later, I tried again, and everything went well.

The timing on your return to work plan may just be a bit off. If you're getting strong negative feeling, perhaps you are not ready to go back to work. Perhaps the best thing is to work it out with your doctor, and let the doc deal with the government.

Blessings and Bear hugs which ever way you go!