Wednesday, February 06, 2013

The beast of burden.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. 
Sir Winston Churchill

I think I have been stealthily overtaken by the black dog and this animal of depression has got my by the throat. It is not my own cute, black, curly dog that is playing a large role in my life now. I think the best thing to do is talk about this other black dog and air my feelings about him taking possession of me, because if I do not, I will succumb to the pressure of his silent presence. It is always better to acknowledge that you are struggling with a problem, than try to hide it from the world. 

I have been sitting here trying desperately to feel better and to think of ways to boost my mood in all sorts of artificial ways. I took my medicines and had some coffee, but it seems that neither of these methods is going to do the job. I also tried to have a very positive and analytical talk with myself, but that did not help much either, because I was too mentally tired to carry it off well. When the beast of depression takes hold of you, it wants to get comfortable and stay for a while, so maybe I should not fight it too much. 

I was wondering why I was getting off so easy this season with no sign of a foul mood in sight. I had the occasional ups, but no occasional downs. I had a period of slight hypo-mania which I was not aware of while it was going on at the time, but only realized after the fact, and I am just getting over that particular mood. I suppose it is not all that strange to have a somewhat browbeaten period now, especially if there is also a cause for it. My life is not only a bed of roses and yes, they do have thorns. 

I was too sad today to be able to do the groceries and I asked the Exfactor to do them for me instead. I could not face the bike ride and the busy store and the ride home with all the groceries. Thanks to him, I do have food in the apartment now and I can fix normal meals again for me and the animals. Tyke especially appreciated it very much, although he was looking for more than just plain old rawhide bones when the shopping bags were unpacked. I should have put a huge "Great Dane Bone" on the list, but did not think of it. 

I suppose I have found a way to elevate my mood and that is by simply writing about it. 


Friko said...

Yes, write, and write again.
Trying too hard to force yourself out of this mood is bound to end in failure and perceived failure will make you feel worse.

Accept that this is the mood of the moment.

I am sorry, dear Irene, that black dog is a bastard.

I don’t suppose you want to hear this but I am feeling much better since I take Co-Enzyme Q 10. It is expensive but it is having a good effect on me. A few weeks ago I was ready to stop blogging and ready to bury myself.

Maggie May said...

I'm really sorry to hear this as you were doing so well..... but you will get over this. You are a determined lady.
Tomorrow is another day.
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Rudee said...