I have come to realize that the stomachache I have been having is caused by stress and I think it is directly related to the fact that I have started to work. I do know that I worry a lot about my job and the responsibilities and having to anticipate what is expected of me. I have been on a somewhat downward slope since I started working, but it was not until early this morning that I saw the writing on the wall and the whole situation became clear to me.
One thing I do have to anticipate is what this is doing to my mental health and I can not watch myself get depressed about this. I do have to take a positive action before it gets to that point. I called my therapist late this morning because I thought it might be good to have a talk with her, but I was told that she was sick. I then asked for my psychiatrist to call me and in the meantime wrote him an email to tell him what I wanted to talk to him about.
He called me a while ago and we made an appointment for Friday afternoon because he thought we should not wait to discuss this. He had some concern about my state of mental health also and was worried about how I would deal with my job and wants to help me do that. We have to get me off the downward slope.
I do know that I want to sleep a lot and in my case that means I want to escape. Sleeping deep and hard is an escape mechanism and I can do it at the drop of a hat. Very often, I think with longing of being safely under the covers of my bed. I suppose that is one way of dealing with things for now. Just for now.