Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Anticipation.

I have come to realize that the stomachache I have been having is caused by stress and I think it is directly related to the fact that I have started to work. I do know that I worry a lot about my job and the responsibilities and having to anticipate what is expected of me. I have been on a somewhat downward slope since I started working, but it was not until early this morning that I saw the writing on the wall and the whole situation became clear to me. 

One thing I do have to anticipate is what this is doing to my mental health and I can not watch myself get depressed about this. I do have to take a positive action before it gets to that point. I called my therapist late this morning because I thought it might be good to have a talk with her, but I was told that she was sick. I then asked for my psychiatrist to call me and in the meantime wrote him an email to tell him what I wanted to talk to him about. 

He called me a while ago and we made an appointment for Friday afternoon because he thought we should not wait to discuss this. He had some concern about my state of mental health also and was worried about how I would deal with my job and wants to help me do that. We have to get me off the downward slope.

I do know that I want to sleep a lot and in my case that means I want to escape. Sleeping deep and hard is an escape mechanism and I can do it at the drop of a hat. Very often, I think with longing of being safely under the covers of my bed. I suppose that is one way of dealing with things for now. Just for now.

7 comments:

Gail said...

Sorry to hear that.

Working for a living always stressed me too. It's not just a job, it's so much more. I worked for over forty years beginning while I was going to school, no, beginning when I could walk, so make that fifty years.

Wish I had had someone to talk to all those years.

Odette said...

i feel for you Irene. maybe if you keep a diary of your thoughts, emotions and activities, this will give you an idea of what influence your feelings of depression. but you had the better solution - talking it over with someone.
talking and expressing your feelings can be exactly what you need to feel better and understand your emotions.
cheer up!
xoxoxox

Connie Rose said...

Working always stressed me out enormously. I am SO glad I don't have to do it any longer. I manage on the small amount of social security I get, and believe me, living on less is a small price to pay for the inner peace of not having to sell my soul to the workplace. I hope this all works out for your highest good and your mental health, whatever happens. xoxo

Pearl said...

Working IS stressful, so why should your stomach not be telling you this?!

I, too, feel the effects of pressure. Maybe a hot bath, a good book, and a nap?

Greetings from Minneapolis,

Pearl

Maggie May said...

Oh dear..... sorry to heart this.

Since I retired, I can't think how I managed to fit in work at all which just goes to show that I was working under pressure to get things done, all the time.
Hope it all gets sorted soon.
Maggie x

Nuts in May

VioletSky said...

I, too, am sorry to hear this. You were so excited about the new job. But working, especially starting at a new job is stressful. I hope you can get through this easily and keep at it without feeling pressured.

Rob-bear said...

SO sorry this is happening to you! Sometimes working upset me quite badly.

Sleeping is partly escape for me, I suppose, but it is also a response to overwhelming tiredness, fatigue. Both of those are part of my depression.

I'm glad you decided to try working. That takes a lot of courage. But I'm not surprised that working is taking a large toll on you. Hope you and your doctor can work out some strategy to cope with that.

When I was coming off disability, I tried to work. My first job, even thought I was good at it, overwhelmed me. After three months I returned to disability. Second time I tried working, things went well!

Blessings and Bear hugs!