Tuesday, September 22, 2009

At long last...

I went to bed at seven o'clock yesterday evening, because I was so tired from having been up all night, and I slept until four o'clock this morning, so I would say that I got enough sleep.

After I wrote my post yesterday morning, I slept on the sofa for a few hours and missed creative therapy, but my need to sleep was greater. I think I know now why I could not sleep that night. I had a therapist-patient meeting at the clinic yesterday afternoon, with my SPN also, and I was worried about that, because we were going to discuss my ending date for the therapies and what I was going to do afterwards.

I always have a tendency to not think these sort of things bother me, while subconsciously they do very much and I worry about them quite a bit, but I don't allow myself to feel that. This effects my emotions and my mood, without me immediately being aware of the cause of it. Of course, if I were to stop and think, I would see the cause and the effect, but I don't allow myself to do that soon enough, so I sit around feeling bad without knowing why. It isn't until afterwards that I realize how much something like that meeting had been bothering me and how much of my nervous energy had been used up in anticipation of it.

During the day I thought I was getting depressed, because my mood was very low and I found it impossible to do the things I was supposed to do. I had to do the grocery shopping and go to the post office and the tobacconist and I couldn't for the life of me motivate myself to go to these places. All I wanted to do was stay inside and be safe there. I wanted to hide inside and not come out. I was all out of milk, though, and I needed dog food, so I called the Exfactor, who was supposed to come by, and asked him if he would go to the grocery store for me, which he gladly did. The man is such a peach and I can always count on him to help me out in a jamb.

At least the groceries were taken care of and the rest of the errands could wait until today. I didn't know what my mood was going to be like, but I assumed it would be better and that I would at least make sure that I got enough sleep, because that always seems to help a lot.

The patient-therapist meeting went well and I must say that I got a lot of praise about my progress. The therapists were very satisfied with me. I also got the okay to start with the creative class on Wednesdays and I'm very happy about that. My last day of therapy will be December the 18th. In the meantime, my SPN has to put in an application for me to join the classes in the downstairs area of the clinic, where I can do creative and other activities, but where there is no therapy, only a specialist who helps you with the specific activity. This is all fine with me as long as there is structure and busyness in my week. It was deemed important that I get out of the house and amongst people and I couldn't agree with that more.

So, today I will go to the post office and to the tobacconist. Those are just simple errands and things I can oversee. I will also clean the apartment a little bit. Luckily, Jesker isn't shedding a lot right now and it must be the time of year. I have to vacuum, but don't I always, and I have to dust. I think I'll change the sheets on my bed again, because the ones hanging on the rack in the bathroom are dry. I am just going to do whatever odd job there is to do and not make a big plan. It will be hit and run chore day. That way it won't seem so intimidating. Some days there's nothing worse than having a list of chores that you have to work your way through, while on other days that might be perfect.

It's time for me to get dressed and walk Jesker who has just eaten a bowl of food. No doubt he has some unloading to do. Have a terrific day. It is overcast here and I don't know what the weather is supposed to be like today. I forgot to watch the news yesterday. Oh yeah, I was busy sleeping.



Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Nora. I know what you mean about not realising that you're stressed over something and then that suppressed worry coming out in other ways - like not being able to sleep or skin problems or depression etc. For some reason I always find it very annoying when that happens. Like I wish the worry would just be upfront about it rather than hiding and coming out in unpleasant symptoms.

I can understand why you were worried about the meeting when your future (for a while) is being decided. If you didn't agree with what they thought then it would be very upsetting. I'm so glad they are going to let you continue with your art classes. I think this is very positive for you - you'll get a lot of enjoyment from it.

Hope the chores go well.

Best wishes,
Bearfriend xx

Maggie May said...

I think, Nora that you probably get a better deal than patients in this country, with lengths of time you can do things. Every thing seems to just be for 6 weeks here, though I am no expert on it. Just go by what people tell me.
It is upsetting when therapy ends. That is really understanding and I am pleased that you will be able to carry on with the creative things that you love so much.
I wonder if you could join ONE thing that is outside the activities to do with the clinic. One tiny voluntary thing. You might be surprised how much better you would feel. Like helping with teas in a hospital or something?
Sorry if I have gone too far with this suggestion.

Today is overcast and cooler. Much cooler. Sigh......
Hope all goes well for you today X

Gail said...

Any change is always hard. Think of all the wonderful new people you will meet, the talent you will share, amd it will be wonderful.