Tuesday, September 01, 2009


The laundry on the rack in the bathroom was completely dry, so I folded it and put it away and I hung up the sheets and pillow cases to dry and put the dogs blanket and my bathrobe in the washing machine. I turned my bathrobe inside out and hope it won't be covered with dog hair once the machine has run it's cycles.

European washing machines always take a long time to get done, even when you put them on a short program, and I suppose the laundry gets cleaner in the end. I do know, that I'm never left with stains in any of my clothes. Everything always comes out squeaky clean and I don't use an expensive detergent, because I can't afford it.

The dog was being demanding for I know not what, so I got his food out of the refrigerator in the hope that it would satisfy him and luckily, he ate that and now he is laying here digesting it and being very calm and docile. I don't know how long it is going to last. No doubt he'll have to go out in a while, but for now he is happy. I do think he misses his blanket, but he doesn't go into the bedroom to lay on his pillow. He does like the company of me and the cats.

It has been raining all afternoon and with the back door and kitchen window open, it has cooled down quite a bit in here, though that is all relative, because it's still warmer in some spots in the living room then in others. It just depends on where you sit. Right now I'm sitting in a draft and that is nice and cold on my arms and legs. At least the sun isn't shining straight into the windows, so that makes quite a bit of difference and I think the plants like the diffused light better too.

I have to wash the dishes in a little while and I'm just thrilled to bits about it. Not! There really aren't that many, but there is a big pot that I cooked soup in that is stuck to the bottom and I'm soaking it and hope it will come clean easily. I get very frustrated when I have to wash large items. They intimidate me by their size and their very often caked on contents. Maybe I'm a fool for letting things stick to the sides and the bottoms. It always seems to happen.

I haven't had the willpower to vacuum yet. It was so nice and quiet here, that I didn't want to disturb it with the loud noise of the vacuum cleaner, but before I put the dog's blanket back, I'll have to vacuum the area rug and then I may as well vacuum the bedroom. I'm just not very good with loud noises, they disturb me very much. I get upset by them and I don't like loud music or shouting or doors banging or loud motorcycles or scooters driving by. I get very unsettled by them and silence I experience as something very pleasant and god given, like the silence in an empty church or the silence in nature. Of course, it isn't silent in nature and when you are in a cathedral, you hear noises all the times, but they are quiet and subdued, like in nature.

If you are wondering why I'm going on about noise, I can tell you that it is probably because the tranquilizer has worn off and this is me now without it, making it very tempting to take another one, but I will wait a while. I feel my back and my stomach start to hurt, so I gather that I naturally feel stress that I suppress, but I must get to the bottom of it and find out where it comes from. If I take a tranquilizer now, I won't be able to investigate that.

People are coming home from their jobs now, it is that time of the day. It is even becoming a bit dark outside, cloudy as it is. I need to turn the lights on in the living room. In the good old days, when I was young, people came home from their work on their bikes, but now everybody travels by car. I'm sure this is a waste of energy, but try telling them that. My neighbor uses his car for every little trip he makes. I've never seen him on a bike, though I'm sure he knows how to ride one. He's a Dutchman after all.

I'm going to walk the dog now, then vacuum and do the dishes. At least I will have filled the coming hour with something useful. This was just a little in between post. An exercise in writing in a cold draft, because now I'm going to close the door and the window.

Have a good evening.



aims said...

Does it help to go for a walk with Jester when you are anxious?

I feel that moving about and doing things often takes away the anxiety - especially if I am doing something that is distracting. Finding something distracting could be the hard part though.

What about doodling your art when you are anxious? Do you have a pad and pens at home to do that?

You're doing good Irene. You really are. It's always baby steps as you well know. If you fall back and take one it isn't the end of the world as you've discovered and adjusting your mind to that is what helps.

I'm thinking of you and wishing you strength in this and luck.

Maggie May said...

I am with Aims there, Irene...... It helps to walk or exercise to get rid of that pent up energy.
I am back at school on Thursday and the noise is the one thing I am not looking forward to but in other ways it will be good to be back. I have missed the routine.
That is another thing Irene...... routine!

Keep going with it Irene. X

San said...

I find that tasks like laundry can be calming and centering. But like you, I find noise bothersome. In particular, loud motorcycles make me absolutely livid. Fortunately I live in the country where it's quiet, but where I work in town, we sometimes get the motorcycles and the jackhammers and the car alarms and...right now someone is revving their car engine. I cannot imagine why.

Believe it or not, my word verification is UNMED. How about that?

Gail said...

Unlike the above people, I feel no comfort in mundane chores, when I want to be bitchy, nothing helps me, not laundry, dishes nor taking a walk. I just have to ride the wave with my mental surf board and get over it in time.

Oops, you were not talking about bitchy, which is what I am, it may work with anxiety!

Maureen said...

I prefer quiet too; I just don't understand the appeal of a loud motorcyle!

Speaking of getting dark; this morning I was quite amazed how dark it was when I woke up at my normal time; it seemed like only days ago the sun was up this early.

Yes, Fall is coming.

VioletSky said...

I am finding that in the past couple of years I am more and more into the silence. I used to have music or the radio or tv on all the time (quietly) for the background noise, but now I get anxious and annoyed with the sounds.