Sunday, September 20, 2009

When in doubt....

It's that time of the evening again. The time just before sunset and the time when I don't know what to do with myself. I've walked the dog and had my dinner and read my emails, so there's nothing left for me to do but write a post. Oh sure, I hear you, I could sit down and make a drawing, but I am absolutely not inspired right now. I have no picture in my head that I want to put down on paper. The only things that remain are words and you can read some of them here.

Sometimes words are the easiest things to come by when all else fails. When I can't draw or paint or clean house or water the plants or make my bed or do the laundry, I can always write. It takes the least amount of effort and is as easy as breathing or drinking coffee and smoking my cigarettes. It comes as easy as that and I never get bored with it, and why should I? In how many places do you get to sit down and write about the things that interest you and that revolve around you? It's like I'm constantly writing my autobiography without an editor to correct me.

Of course, there's writer's block and the moment you say you don't suffer from it, you have it and don't know what to write about. That's when you have to put your mind on the middle distance gazing view and let it take over your command of the keyboard. You will notice that very rapidly the words come rolling out of your head without you consciously having to think about them, and that they find their way to the screen effortlessly. You wouldn't believe the amount of monologue you can produce this way, unhindered as you are by a responding typist.

Yes, the moment blogging was invented was a great moment for people like me who like to ramble on about nothing in particular at all and about everything under the sun in general. There is no subject that I will not discuss, but the subjects that I do discuss are always those that are closest to my heart, without giving away too much of myself and disclosing everything I am about and my deepest, darkest secrets. I pick and choose through the skeletons in my closet and choose the fleshiest ones that do not rattle too much and don't tell too horrid a tale.

Of course, everybody thinks that a blog is like a confessional and that you need to tell all and keep no secrets from your loyal readers, and in a a way that is true and very often I give in to this notion and share my daily haps and mishaps and my general embarrassments as if I know no shame and I have no privacy to consider. I want to share freely and give you a decent idea what it is like to be me in this world I inhabit, but lately I have become a little bit more weary and more sparse with my announcements and I speak in riddles more than I ever used to. I purposely do that and I am like an animal circling the watering hole, watching for crocodiles to snatch it into the dark water.

I guess I want to add an element of mystery to my, up until recently, very public life. Then again, this whole monologue could be an exercise in creative writing and tomorrow I will return to my usual normal, cheerful self without any misgivings at all. It all depends on how true to the core I'm writing now and how close these thoughts are to what I actually feel, or if they are pulled out so deep from my subconscious, that they will seem alien to me in the morning and I will distance myself from them completely. It is very possible that there are two people sitting here behind this computer, one being the creative writer who dramatizes the thoughts into words and sentences, and the other being me who allows it to happen.

There, now I've completely confused you, which is not a bad thing to do, because it makes you think and that makes you not accept everything so easily and complacently.

With those words I'll leave you and say goodnight to you and go turn on the television for a while.



Maggie May said...

I read your six sentence story and thought it was very good.
So there are two of you sitting behind the computer. I wonder which one I am speaking to! I am being silly. I know what you mean.
I think a but of mystery is a good thing. You do have to be a bit wary! I like the analogy of the water hole and the animal circling nervously wondering about crocodiles.

Friend of the Bear said...

Hello again Nora. I'm sure all your readers are very glad you can find nothing else to do than write posts!

You are lucky to always have the words there. It is a great gift. I'm sure one day you will have an editor, lol!

I don't have a technique for when no words come out, but I'll give your's a try next time I'm struggling.

Wonderful image of the skeletons!

I also like the image of the writer being separate from you in some way.

I love this post. Writing is a thing close to my heart.

Hope you have a good night.

Best wishes as ever,
Bearfriend xx

Frances said...

I agree with Maggie May. True friends whether in the 'real' or virtual world don't need to know your secrets. They won't dig around in the mud for things you want to keep to yourself. Anyone who asks to know is curious for their own reasons. Whatever you need to open up about and share is yours to decide about.
We have generally learnt the hard way that not everyone can be trusted with a personal confidence.
enjoy the rest of the evening

Elaine said...

You don't confuse me at all.

I think you are always 'you' out here. The open you, the wary you, the happy or sad you, the confused you, the changing you, the excited you, the struggling you.

Whether or not you choose to hide things from us one day or lay it all out for us to see the next? That's just a decision you make based on how you feel when you sit there and write.

You are no more or less 'you' when you do that. You don't have to be consistent; you don't have to be anything. Because everything you do is you, Nora. All of it. xxx

The Good Cook said...

I love your meandering ways. Thank You.

Gail said...

Very well said!

MDJB said...

Always en enjoyable read whenever I drop by here.

Stacie said...

I feel like I am sitting there with you when I read your posts. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum you and I. I am surrounded by chaos and people constantly... never alone. And you seem to be alone more than you are with people. Funny, how often I feel alone tho.

Wisewebwoman said...

I really had a shock when I got to your blog today as I thought it was mine, same layout, my girl you do change and mutate and mellow and sparkle.......
I love your writing, I feel like I;m sitting with you, if I was at one end of the room on my computer and you were at the other end on yours the chat would be the same as the words on the screen....

The Green Stone Woman said...

Hi Stacie, a person can feel very alone surrounded by chaos and people, can't they? I am very often on my own, but I don't feel lonely. You should stop by more often, or do you already?