Kindly spirited...

When I wake up from my afternoon nap, I always feel very kindly towards the world and all the people in it. I have a totally untroubled mind. If anybody calls me at that time, I am all sweetness and I have all the patience needed to have whatever conversation is necessary. 

This mood lasts about an hour. By that time I have taken my evening dose of medicines and I am in another kind of good mood that is almost equally nice, but I'm not as sweet and patient anymore. I've got more stress by that time, having been awake long enough to have the reality of life penetrate my mind again.

Not that my reality is such an awful one. It is all in my imagination. It is my own fearful heart that makes it look that way. My reality is actually quite simple, but something in me doesn't experience it that way and sees bogeymen in every corner.

It's a terrible thing to live with a fearful heart because it prevents you from living life with full enjoyment. It's much better to be untroubled like that person who just woke up from her nap and who exists in the world like a newborn child. Unafraid. 

It's very possible that newborn children are not at all unafraid and that some of them have their fears too. If so, I may have been one of them. My mother told me once that I sure did an awful lot of crying when I was a baby. I may have been uneasy all alone in my crib. I wanted to be held by my father. 

I wonder what happens to you when you take that afternoon nap to make you feel so untroubled and kind? It must be a very soothing thing to do. It must be very good for your wellbeing. I wonder if people in southern countries don't have the right idea when they take their siestas. Or don't they do that any longer in today's society? I must ask my sister's Italian friend, but he's from Milan and that's in northern Italy. It may not be a custom there. 

I would always like to have the innocence I have when I wake up from my afternoon nap and to be so nonjudgmental.  It would be a lot easier to live with myself. 

Ciao,

Nora

What I like...

I guess I like taking a nap in the afternoon almost better than anything else. I love the way it breaks up the day and the rest I get. I always feel good when I wake up and really enjoy the first hour or so after I get up. Normally it's about time to take my evening dose of medicines too, so the timing is perfect. 

I have a cup of coffee first and then take my medicines. In the shortest amount of time I feel right as rain. I also know that nothing complicated lies ahead of me. All I have to do is walk the dog and eat dinner and get through the rest of the evening. That's easily done by watching the news and a few other non consequential programs. Not that the news is that kind of program.

I suppose there are a few simple pleasures in life like that, such as drinking a glass of ice cold milk when I'm very thirsty. Or eating a bowl of chicken and pasta soup when I'm hungry. I know those things will satisfy me instantly. They push my 'happy button' and make me feel good. Taking a nap does the same thing. 

*

I just took the dog for a walk and it was actually very nice out there. It was warmer than I expected and I wore too many clothes. I will have to put on something completely different because what I have on now will not do at all. It's time to wear skimpy clothes again. I've got just what I need all ready to put on from the last time it was warm. I had not put away those things yet. What foresight!

The rain that we had has not helped the grass in the fields yet. There are big brown spots all over. On top of that, it has recently been cut, so that doesn't help it much. A lot of the daisies are gone as a result, much to my dismay. The buttercups faired better. I like it when they leave the grass longer and the wildflowers get a chance to grow. It looks so much cheerier. 

I guess walking the dog is a pleasure in life too and it pushes my 'happy button,' although I never think of it as so. I usually think of it ahead of time as a bother and something I must do. Afterwards I always feel good about having done it, but I never put one and one together and I really ought to. I forget that I enjoy it. 

He sure dislikes certain dogs that we meet on our walks. They are always the more dangerous looking kind that he dislikes. The ones I steer clear of also. He's very macho and growls at them as if he would attack them given a chance. He especially dislikes any kind of dog that's well known as a fighting dog. A dog like that he takes an instant dislike to. A cocker spaniel like him wouldn't stand a chance. 

It's time to eat dinner. A glass of milk is lovely, but it alone doesn't fill my stomach. I must have something heftier than that. 

I hope you're all having a good day and good weather. 

Ciao,

Nora

A tale of awareness...

There's an awful lot of temptation in just repeating myself and telling you the same story I told you yesterday, but that would be awfully boring. It would make my job easier, because I would not have to put so much effort into writing this post. It would practically write itself. 

Instead I have to take care and really do my best to put down something interesting. I can't lie down on the job. If I'm going to sit here and spend my time putting down words, they may as well be good ones and carry some weight. Otherwise I may as well shut off the computer and hang up my blogs in the willows.

That doesn't mean I actually have something of interest to say. That's another matter all together.  I always hope I do because the need to write is big. There's nothing I like better than sitting here behind the keyboard and coming up with stuff to write about. I have an enormous ego that needs to be fed and blogging is one way it's done. 

Forget about sharing my most inner self and the need to unload my secrets. Mostly I want a way to display myself and what better way to do it than to try and get other people to read my words. Probably that's reflective of some sort of insecurity in myself, don't you think? 

Regardless, whatever my true reason, I do like to sit here and come up with some nonsense and I must say that there's enough of it out there too, but I read it all with the most attention that I can. I really care about it. I care about the people who write it too. We're all basically decent human beings who do our best. 

No, it's not all nonsense that's out there. You really learn a lot from reading other people's blogs. You learn a lot about human nature and at the very least how not to behave. You can always say to yourself, "There, but for the grace of God, go I." If you open up your eyes well enough, you see your own follies too. 

The sooner you learn about human nature, the better. It's preferable not to fool yourself about it. If you're like me, you've learned to ignore a lot of it, but that's not a good idea. Never stop questioning it. It's for your own good if you don't. 

I have to walk the dog and eat dinner. It's that time of the evening again. The day has gone by quickly, but then again, I was surrounded by people. I didn't really enjoy their company and couldn't wait for them to be gone. Today I prefer my own company and the dog's and the cat's. Sometimes it is better that way.

I hope you'll all have a good evening. It's overcast and cold here. Brrr...

Ciao,

Nora

On an overcast afternoon...

As has become routine by now, I have just woken up from a nap and am imbibing in some caffeine to get the most out of my precarious mood that I always seem to have on such occasions. I will be right as rain in the shortest amount of time, all it's going to take is some more coffee. I know that always works, I can pretty much count on it, but I'm drinking a cup of warmed up coffee and that won't do. 

I have to make a fresh pot and open a new package of ground coffee. That's always the frustrating part that I don't look forward to. You're supposed to be able to open the package without the aid of scissors  and I always do my very best to achieve this, but it requires some dexterity and muscle power. I don't want to be defeated, though, and stubbornly keep trying and not reach for the scissors that are right there in the kitchen drawer. 

Eventually I do manage, but I dislike the job and wish for someone else to do it. Since there is no one else here, I have to, much to my frustration. If I were a manufacturer, I would design a user friendly package to pack my ground coffee in, although that would probably add to the price of the product. Oh well, nothing in life is free. Except frustration. 

You can tell that I'm a 21st century woman because my level of frustration is very low and I like everything done very easily and conveniently. If I were a designer, I would always be looking for the most simple way to do things. The most user friendly and least frustrating way.  I would want objects to cause the least amount of hassle.

I have to clean up the kitchen and hang up a load of laundry to dry. The dog destroyed a stick in the living room and I have to pick up the pieces from that.  He doesn't have opposable thumbs so he can't do it himself. That's his excuse anyway. 

My infected earlobe is healing. It's almost back to normal. I put Fucidin ointment on it twice a day and that helps it very much. The swelling has gone down quite a bit. I don't think I will be wearing earrings for a while and I will be decorating myself in other ways for the coming future. I've been wearing lightweight scarves and they've done nicely. Of course, the weather has been perfect for them. 

It rained just a while ago, but now it's stopped and the dog is sitting in front of the window looking longingly outside. I think I will take him for a walk while it is dry. The sun is even out every now and then. 

Have a nice Sunday. 

Ciao,

Nora

On a cloudy day...

I've just woken up from an afternoon nap and I'm drinking my second cup of coffee. It is very necessary that I have the caffeine as I'm incapable of thinking clearly without it. Or so I've told myself anyway. 

I'm slowly becoming more clearheaded, but I should say that I'm getting a better mood. That would be more accurate. Why call things by any other name? I was a grouch before. A muddleheaded grouch.

It's not as though I have to pretend that I never get in a bad mood, do I? It can't all be moonshine and roses. 

I'm dressed in warm clothes as today is a chilly day. It was fun choosing what to wear, but I didn't pick anything adventurous. I went with a safe and sane outfit. Anyone would want to be seen in public with me, that's how ordinary I look. 

My closet is so bare now, that it's easy to choose clothes. Plus, I've got a trove of empty hangers. They are all good ones and I will save all of them. Doubtlessly, they will be used again some time in the future. I'm saying this optimistically, but I already had a stash of hangers in the bottom of the closet. 

I just remembered some clothes I have on the shelves that I have not looked at yet. No doubt they will need to get washed and ironed. I haven't worn them in ages. They should fit me well now. Ha, that will be a fun job to go and do. One load of laundry coming up. 

*

I just walked the dog around the fields. It wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be and wearing my cardigan sufficed. It looked like it was going to rain and it has been predicted. Some rain would do us a world of good. Things are very dry and dusty. 

There are mostly buttercups and daisies now. All the dandelions that had gone to seed have been blown away. The clover is disappearing again, but I think it must be because of the dryness. It must need more water. 

Well, I must get to work on those clothes. Lord only knows what I'll find there. It will be a journey of discovery. The last time I looked through them I was quite a bit heavier. 

Have a good day. I hope your weather treats you well. 

Ciao,

Nora

After a snooze...

After a snooze, you have a cup of coffee as quick as you can to get your head together so you can think straight. At least, that is my tactic. Never mind that the coffee is kind of bitter because it's old. It's got caffeine in it, that's the most important thing. You can make new coffee if you want another cup. It's easy as pie. 

That's what I think I'm going to have to do. The old coffee is not very satisfying, although it is waking me up to some extend. Imagine drinking old microwaved coffee. That's not a very nice way to treat yourself. I think I do deserve a fresh pot. 

Snoozing is exactly what I did. I never did fall asleep properly, but just drifted in and out for about an hour. I probably wasn't tired enough for a proper nap. Now that I don't use tranquilizers during the day anymore, I seldom go completely knock out like I used to. Really, that's a blessing. I used to go knock out several times a day. 

I have cleaned out my closet and got all the obsolete clothes out of it. Once I had gotten those off their hangers, I had a sea of space and I got a good look at what was left over. I took most of the clothes that had been in there for a while and that I assumed were going to fit me and washed them in two loads. 

I did the first load last night and this morning that load was dry so I could do the second one. I wore something today from the first load that I had not worn before and, although it was a little chilly to wear, it was a great success and I enjoyed wearing it very much. It's nice to catch glimpses of yourself in the mirror when you're wearing something new. 

The second load is drying now and there's a dress there of which I have no idea how I got it. I don't remember buying it. I may wear it tomorrow. I have to try it on first and see how it looks. I don't have the foggiest idea how I've come to own it. That will be another unsolved mystery. I probably bought it in one of my hypo-manic moods. 

Of course, things look good now because I've got a decent haircut. I must always remember to get a decent haircut on time. I wish I was not so absentminded as to forget to do that. I wish I had a secretary who made my appointments for me and just automatically scheduled my hairdresser appointments. Life would be so much simpler. 

I've made a fresh pot of coffee which I was in dire need of. I had to get the bad taste of the old coffee out of my mouth. And I do think I need some more caffeine. I need to look a little more lively than I do right now, although you can't see me. 

Freshly made coffee smells so good. It makes the whole apartment smell nice. Even as impaired as I am, I can smell that. 

I'm missing a cardigan from my closet. I've looked high and low but I can't find it. I have no idea what I did with it. I'll have to look through every item on the shelves and see if it is there. I need to clean those up anyway. The denim skirts that are too big are still there. Wish me luck in finding it. It's an important one to my wardrobe. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening. I've got to walk the dog. 

Ciao,

Nora