Friday, June 11, 2010

A long nap...

I took a three hour nap this evening and now, of course, I find myself wide awake, so the planning may not have been all that great. Regardless, I needed it, as I was feeling quite down and out and could think of no better solution than to go to sleep. It did make me feel better and I was in much better shape when I woke up. Now I've had one cup of coffee and one glass of milk and I'm about to have another one for the sake of my thirst. I don't quite know what to do, as a long night stretches out ahead of me and I don't feel tired now and I won't go to bed for awhile.

I've got an ache in my upper back from sitting improperly behind the computer and I'm now making an effort to sit especially straight with my body upright, so I won't slouch. This is causing the muscles in my back to ache, but it's better than getting an ache from sitting bent over sideways. You do develop bad habits when bent over the keyboard. I imagine it's just a cramp that's gotten a hold of me and I've just taken a painkiller so I can sit here comfortably. It will take awhile for it to work. In the meantime I'm figuring out the most comfortable ways to sit.

I don't know if it's such a good idea to write about my depression, because there seems to be some misunderstanding about how I should tackle it. I will just mention it casually in passing now and then and not dwell on it too much, although I have a great desire to write about it and that is one thing that this blog is all about. So, I'm feeling stifled., that's true, and I don't know if that is just. If I don't follow up on suggestions, people will say I ignore good advice. If I say I'm not capable of it, they will say that I boycott my own process at getting better.

My high tops are comfortable, except in the places where my toes are already sore from my other shoes. That's mostly on my right foot on my big toe and my little toe. They must have been pinched a lot and now I'm finding out. Still, I can walk in them fairly well and I took Tyke for a longer walk yesterday afternoon. It was overcast and 23C and not all that unpleasant to walk in. We'll go for another long walk today with the personal helper who will be here in the morning. I was making a list for her with future goals that seem unattainable right now and that will have to be put on hold. I can't, in this frame of mind, attempt any more than I'm doing and that's enough. I don't want to add anything to it.

I go from being wide awake to being half asleep. I think in a little while I will have to go to bed. I want to stay up, but I think it is impossible. Sleep will force me to the bedroom. The good thing about being awake during the night is that I don't feel half as mad as I do during the day.


1 comment:

Wisewebwoman said...

As long as you are talking about the depression with someone, TCS, and not keeping it all locked up.
You are doing the best you can with what you have at the moment and that is all good.