It's been an interesting day so far. When I woke up this morning, I realized that my life was really not all that complicated and that the difficulties I saw in it were really due to events that happened in the past, over 16 years ago and much longer, and that it was time to leave all that behind me and concentrate on this life that I have here now, by myself, in the Netherlands. If I look only at that life, a lot of the complications drop away, because, although it is not easy sometimes, it only concerns me and I'm the only one in the end who has to live with myself and the consequences of my disorder and actions resulting thereof. I can disconnect as much as possible from people who would get involved too much and deal with things on my own along with the help of the professionals around me. That way nobody needs to get hurt.
It was a big realization for me. A real "Eureka" moment. To let go of the past and the people in it and to only deal with now. I've talked the talk, but I've never felt it as clearly as I did this morning. It was a great relief. I felt a lot of freedom suddenly. I hope it continues so.
That set me in the right frame of mind to tackle the rest of the day and I immediately did a load of laundry after I wrote my last post. Sheets and towels and the dog pillow cover on 60C with extra detergent to get it real clean. I puttered around the apartment after that and did odd jobs and realized I wanted the furniture back in its original place. I thought it looked cluttered the way it was and I was unhappy about Tyke sitting on top of the sofa in front of the windows, barking at things that went by and dirtying the glass.
The Exfactor came over and went to the hardware store to buy the wood to make a new little gate in the fence, because the other one had rotted off one of the hinges. It needed to be 4 x 4 feet. He built a double frame with plastic coated chicken wire screwed between it and it's perfect. He had a battery powered drill and was done in the shortest amount of time. he put the hinges on and a hook to keep it closed and put it in place and there it was. All finished.
He also went grocery shopping for me and when he came back and we had unloaded everything, I asked him if he would help me move the furniture. I had a plan on what to move in which order and we worked like a finely tuned unit and were done within 20 minutes. I just had to deal with the little details after he left and that was no problem. I enjoyed doing that. I swept and dusted where it was necessary, especially when I moved the area rug, but there are some jobs left for tomorrow and I will do those then.
In the busyness of it all, I almost forgot to walk Tyke and he was mighty relieved when I took him out. The weather is turning warmer and tomorrow we're supposed to have sunshine. It's time to open the windows again and let the fresh air and the street noise in. That's the drawback of having the windows open. That does irritate me. I'm right on top of the sidewalk and the street and all the noise. I don't care for mopeds and scooters and airplanes taking off and landing nearby.
Right, I have to watch the news now. Mustn't miss that in these exciting political campaign times. Next week we vote. You should see the campaign spots on TV.