Monday, March 16, 2009
Well, if I plan this right, I can write a post before I go to bed and read some blogs too. That is if I don't dilly dally and spend too much time thinking about what I'm going to tell you all, and not get frustrated about the stupid keyboard keys that get stuck and make me all mixed up about whether or not I have punched down a key well enough or not, so that I have to go back and add or subtract letters.
There, that was a little rant about the keyboard, but really, it is so frustrating and I don't have the money right now to buy a new one yet. I have to wait just a bit. It is said that you learn to live with the little inconveniences in life, but I don't believe a bit of it. I am all for eliminating them as quickly as possible. It will be a great day when I toss this keyboard in the trash.
Today was creative therapy and I have to be honest with you and tell you that I don't enjoy going there as much anymore since I'm being told left and right that it's all going to end one of these days. My heart isn't in it anymore and I am not making the commitment like I was before. In a way I am already saying goodbye. I am being told the same thing at ergo therapy and I feel the same way there, so there is a kind of withdrawal on my part, as if I am not putting in 100% anymore.
I finished my clay sculpture today and it turned out okay for the beginner that I am. It has to dry now before it can go into the oven and I will start another one on Friday. This next one is going to be harder than the first one, so I've got my work cut out for me.
When I got home all I felt like doing was having a cup of coffee and a cigarette, so I did and I fed the dog who hadn't eaten it the morning for lack of interest, but he wolfed down his food this time. I took him for a walk and it was nearly pleasant outside, overcast, but not very cold with just a bit of a chilly wind. It wants to be spring, but it is very hesitant.
Then the Exfactor came over to pick up a package that had been delivered here for him and we had some coffee together. He had spent the weekend with the Paramount and it only bothered me slightly, as I pretend that she is not an entity in his life and I prefer not talking about her, though sometimes we must. I find the whole thing emotionally draining and prefer not to really be confronted with it.
I feel the same way about the therapies. Don't keep telling me it's going to end one day. Give me a date and then I know what to expect. It's rather senseless to keep me in suspense this way. I find that emotionally draining too.
I am most happy when I am home doing my own things and living my own life and handling my own schedule. When I'm not dependent on the decisions of other people, or their whims or fancies. That's when I am in the best mood. I get very down hearted when I know that my fate depends on the decisions of other people. I'd rather have a shoot out at the O.K. corral. I loose touch with my happiness on those other days and it's hard to get a smile out of me. I'm just an unhappy human being.
Tomorrow I will be alright again, because it is my day to do with as I please. I'll be my own mistress and make up my own mind about things. I'll vacuum and dust and do the laundry and sit and ponder things and feel generally good.
I have an appointment with my SPN in the morning. I'll be able to unload there a bit, Get my frustrations out.
Right, that was it for me for today. Time to go get comfortable in my pajamas. I do so like that moment of the day.
Hope you all had a nice day. Don't let the b******s get you down.