Monday, March 02, 2009

Amazing.


Much to my amazement, I find that I have time this morning to write a post and that is because I am up earlier than I planned to be. My mobile phone was making that dinging sound telling me that the battery was running low, so I had to get up and plug it in. Normally, I would not be sitting here writing a post, but sleeping until 7 o'clock and then be getting ready for my creative therapy class.

I am so excited about going there because, since I go there twice a week now, I feel that I can really plan things and get on with them and make progress, and also take my time to do things such as collect the proper images and pieces of text. I have a stack of magazines that nobody but me can use and they are kept in a locked cabinet. I have to take full advantage of my time there and create as generously as I can, because I don't know how much time I have left there. I have at least three months until my next evaluation, but I don't know what will happen after that.

I don't want to think about that right now. I have to put it out of my mind. I become frozen with fear if I do think of it and I can't have that. I must enjoy the time that I have left.

Yesterday afternoon I didn't do any of the little chores that I claimed I was going to do. After I walked the Überhund, I laid down on the sofa and took a heck of a nap. It was wonderful, because I was listening to my play list at last.fm and I sort of dozed off pleasantly and woke up several hours later quite refreshed and ready to finish the rest of the day. I always seem to take mega naps, although I must say that I am not as tired all day long since I lowered the antipsychotic medication. I was really dragging myself through the day then.

Anyway, I know I talked about working with clay, but I just had a look at my collages and I really want to pursue those further. I am not done making them. I want to try and keep improving them and I have lots of ideas left and lots of images I have left to play with. If I were to go and work with clay now, I would sit there the whole time and think about collages and why I wasn't making them instead.

It's terrible to feel this pressure of time on me. It's through a casual remark made by the creative therapist that I feel it. How she said to me that this isn't going to last forever. That there is a limited time. That's why it is so important that I create my own artistic space here in the apartment. I need the supplies and the space to keep doing the work, In May I'll have the money to get the supplies. I'll fix the spare bedroom up and make it my place.

Okay, I have to go and take a shower now. It isn't a very interesting post anyway. It is a little bit anxiety ridden. I need to relax and focus on today. Why don't you all try sending me good vibes today? Maybe that will help.

Ciao...

8 comments:

Maggie May said...

Glad you woke up early and did things you really wanted to do.
i think I haf the best nights sleep that I ever had for years, last night. Didn't wake up once and slept through till 7 am. brilliant feeling, isn't it?

Have a good day and hope you enjoy the therapy today! X

Frances said...

happy hippy, cheery lively vibes from here
Hope the day goes well
hugs
xxx

laurie said...

try not to worry. you don't know what that comment meant; it might have meant anything. i love naps too.

i hope your day goes great and your collages grow beautiful under your fingers.

Cheryl said...

Naps are a good thing. When I take a great nap, life seems so much better. Truth is naps just have to trump chores from time to time. Glad you took that nap.

I think it is so important you have a room set up, to explore all that creativity inside of you. I made a room for Hannah in our basement and she loves to go down there, turn on her music and paint, draw, her decoupage, clay whatever mood she is in, she creates and she loves it. I can't wait until you have that space!

I'm also glad you still have your class. I hope you can continue with it, beyond the 3 months.

Enjoy your day today! Stay in the moment and take it all in.
XXXXXXXX

Maureen said...

Sending good vibes ;)

I think creating your own crafting space in the apartment is a great idea! Recently daughter moved her bedroom to the basement, so I converted her old room into a craft room. It's where I make cards, scrapbook pages and hopefully, if I can find time, get back to oil painting again. Even if you have to get a folding table that you can put away when you're not using it....

Have a wonderful day!

Mean Mom said...

You still have 3 months of classes to enjoy! I don't know how things work, of course, but, when the time comes, if you explain how much you have enjoyed your classes and how much of a help they have been to you, perhaps you will be allowed to have a few more.

Then again, you can't be sure how you will feel in 3 months time. You may even feel that you don't need any more classes.

It will be exciting to get your new art room ready. Hopefully, it will be ready before your current class comes to an end.

John said...

Lovely Frances beat me to the good vibes...daarn it.

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