Wednesday, March 04, 2009

At the Pondorosa.

It's been an easy going day at the Pondorosa. I woke up from the alarm clock, which was good, because you'll remember that I hardly slept the night before. I was somewhat disgruntled having been woken up this way and not entirely being ready to be awake, and when I sat on the sofa and drank my coffee, I started to nod off again. So I did some stretches to wake my body up properly and made myself another mug of coffee, thinking the caffeine would kick in and really wake me up.

I did the whole morning ritual of getting the animals and myself ready and when I was done with everything, I still had to make cigarettes, so that gave me the opportunity to have half a mug of coffee before I left with just minutes to spare. I had ergo therapy this morning and I was only half looking forward to it, because I knew I would have to talk about he last couple of days and I was right about that and as I told the story, the stress of it crept back into my voice and my hands and I nervously started to find a point in the room to focus on as I related what happened.

One thing that did become very clear though, was that I don't realize that I go off into an extreme mood and don't recognize it as such. To me it just seems the end of the world and not a rapid cycling. I don't even think of that, while I very clearly should. That is because I can be very out of touch with my emotions, because I want to approach everything rationally. A mood gets triggered and off I go running into the abyss with my head cut off, totally senseless in a panic.

We're going to work on that and already started today by coloring in in two shapes of people in two sets on circumstances, happy and sad.We were supposed to do this on a purely emotional level and only use colors, but I was unable to do this and approached it totally rationally and colored them in based on that. Later, when asked to interpret the colors emotionally, I went in a panic and froze up and was unable to do it. I felt extreme discomfort when asked to do this, so we're going back to this exercise next week and I have to try and color them in based on my emotions once again.

I think my ergo therapist is very good and I trust her.

When I came home, the Exfactor was already there with a cup of coffee and a cigarette waiting for me. We have an understanding that when I am not home, he can let himself inside with his set of keys. I do trust him enough to do that and see no problem with it. The Überhund was equally happy to see me even though he did have the company.

I told the Exfactor my plans about turning the spare bedroom into a work room for me and he was more than willing to help me create the space. He is also going to drill the holes in the walls to hang up the collages as soon as I have the money to buy the frames. I already know where I want to hang them. I have decided not to sell them for now, until I have so many of them, that I feel that I can part with some of them. They are too precious to me now.

After the Exfactor left, I did the dishes and picked up the living room and then took a long nap on the sofa, which was very refreshing and rejuvenating. I felt like a million bucks when I got up. I turned on the computer and checked into 6S's and read many blog entries which are really writing exercises, and commented on those and wrote an entry myself. Nowadays, it the first site I go to, before I go to my Google reader and before I write a post. I hardly ever go to Facebook anymore and that account is pretty much dormant. One of these days...

I have deleted a lot of blogs from my Google reader. They were blogs that I pretty much skipped over anyway, unless I had a lot of time on my hands. I seem to be short of time lately and don't even get around to do everything I want to do. There need to be two of me, one to do the chores and one to walk the dog and sit behind the computer. I'd have a very clean apartment.

Take good care of yourselfs, be good for goodness sake and have a nice evening.



Maggie May said...

Lovely to see a post from you!
Glad you are getting better. It is easy to slide into the abyss in a panic...... I can see that. You always come out of it though, Irene.

The collage is bringing you so much pleasure and I think the little workroom sounds a lovely idea.
Glad the Exfactor is going to help you with it. He can be very kind, you know. Have a peaceful night X

aims said...

We cycle our emotions all the time - which is no different from people who aren't like us. We just seem to cycle farther out into the extreme than others. But - as Maggie said - we always cycle back again.

You seem to have a fear that something is going to pass you by - life perhaps? and that you need to run to keep ahead of it.

Why do we not see that it doesn't make any difference if we do that or if we don't. We can't change anything by worrying about it. We need to put each foot forward - step on it - and move ahead. Slowly. Exactly.

Some day we will learn and maybe get it right for much longer periods of time.

VioletSky said...

I like the idea of a workroom, and a gallery for your collages.

Breakfast in California said...

Having a workspace to create is wonderful. You can go there and do your art, exactly as you wish to please yourself! I hope you'll share some photos when it's set up.

Maureen said...

I have to agree; what good news that you will have a creative space all to yourself to continue to collage or other artistic endeavors. I do hope photos are taken, I would love to see it when it is set up!!!