Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Contrary.


Contrary to my best intentions, it is the middle of the day and I have the computer on and am active on it. So, why is that?

Well, I felt like being stubborn and going my own way today and do things just a little bit different. I have cleaned up the apartment a bit and if you run fast, you don't notice what needs to be done yet. For all appearances it looks good enough, if you run fast. You can also roller skate through. Or drive by in a fast car and have a quick peek through the windows.

Frankly, my dear...let's just pretend that today doesn't have to be a very productive day and that it is mental health day. To celebrate this day, I have arranged my books on the bookcase by color. It came over me as I sat by the dining table and suddenly I got up and started putting all the red books together. Once I had that done, the rest was easy. The blue ones followed and then the greens and so on. The black books outnumber all of them.

Some of them were still arranged by color from an earlier attempt, so it was pretty easy. I should have dusted right away, but I was too impatient for it and will have to go back and do it when spring fever hits. Maybe this was a heralding of it. Get ready, it is about to start.

I saw my SPN this morning and shared my feelings about the therapies with her, but then fell into such a funk, that I didn't really know how to communicate any further and it was kind of a futile discussion, because I was not cooperative. Not because I didn't want to be, but because I just slammed shut and didn't know what to say anymore.

I did say, that if the situation continued as it was, I would quit the therapies and make my own way in life. She thought that was just my emotions speaking and that I would regret that later.

If anybody dares to say to me again that it is going to end soon, I'm going to challenge them and tell them to name me a date so that I can prepare myself properly. I'm not going to hang in limbo for the rest of the time that I'm there.

I have tried to call my main therapist there, but she was out for the day, so I left a message with the head of the department to call me back. I am going to get down to the basics with this and get this sorted out.

So, here I have been sitting getting myself out of my funk back to normal again. Slowly but surely I am. I felt like I was at the bottom of a well looking up at a little bit of blue sky. I knew I would get there, I just didn't know how long it would take me. A funk is not like having the blues, it doesn't last as long. I have a funk every time I go to my therapies now. I get over it when I get home.

I've put the Überhund on a diet. I think he was eating very healthy, but I also think he was still getting too much food, so I've cut that back quite a bit and he's not complaining yet, which makes me think he is getting enough. He needs to loose a few kilos and always has. Maybe we can achieve that now. I'm still putting ointment in his eye and it looks better, but it isn't cleared up yet. The ointment is very expensive, so I hope I don't have to keep buying it.

Toby's allergies are back. He is sneezing again and has runny eyes. He didn't have that all winter, but it just started again. He's not suffering, so I'm not going to worry about it and have another expensive vet bill. I clean his eyes every day and say, "Bless you," when he sneezes. That's about all I can do. I'm keeping an eye on his eyes to make sure they don't become infected, because I sure as heck don't want that to happen. Imagine two animals with eye infections.

Gandhi and Nouri are fine. They hang out on the dining table and watch the world go by through the windows there. We still get people who walk by and say, "Oh, look at the cats!" And then Nouri becomes scared of all the faces at the window and takes off, while Gandhi just sits there. Nouri is a little paranoid and gets scared of leaves falling off trees, or me walking through the apartment too quickly.

The sun is shining and it is 11 degrees Celsius outside. That is 52 degrees Fahrenheit. Not bad for a day in March. The fact that the sun is shining makes up for a lot. I saw the first dandelions in the field today. And some unknown little bush had pink blossoms on it. Some of the shrubbery has little buds of green, but you have to look very carefully. It's going to be so exciting when the trees show their first green buds. It's not going to be long now before that happens. Every day we are getting a little bit closer. All you have to do is watch the changes happen very closely.

Living with the seasons makes you appreciate the springtime so very much. There is very little about the winter that I like and I just sort of endure it and wait for the spring to come. But when it comes, it comes in a hurry and you really have to pay attention, because before you know it, everything is lush and green around you and you really ought to savor every moment. That's why I'm going for an extra walk with the dog right now. To see what is happening in everybody's gardens.

Have a good day, everybody.

Ciao...

11 comments:

Maggie May said...

I think Toby has hay fever! Animals can suffer from it too.
Yes..... that might be the best thing to ask for a date so that you can prepare for the group ending when it eventually does. Not an unreasonable request!
Enjoy the sunshine. Who knows how long that will last.

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

Maggie May, I think it sounds like a perfectly reasonable request. Is it any wonder I am moody?

Yes, I think Toby has hay fever. Poor guy. At least it's not contagious.

Tessa said...

I'm pleased that your funk was only a short one and that you rose out of the deep well to savour the blue sky again. Arranging books in order of colour - now there is a lady after my own heart! On the other hand, I've seen photographs in interior design mags where someone has covered all their books in white paper which makes me think that they really don't like books very much or are just completely obsessed with aesthetics!

Both my cat and my husband sneeze in the spring. (I never used to talk about the weather until I came to live in England - now I join everyone in doing it all the time!)

Exmoorjane said...

Every so often I have the most enormous urge to do exactly what you did and rearrange by colour. but have SO many darn books. Once, I blush to say, I would only have books with white or black spines (so, in the main, only Penguin classics and Picador and King Penguin) - heck, I was a precious little idiot!
Grew out of my hayfever.....phew.
isn't this sun wonderful? It does make life so much more bearable.
jx

aims said...

Ah! I've been searching through back posts to see what you are talking about and I could have just come to the comments and found out.

They have told you that your group therapies are going to end? Is that it?

If so - then I fully understand what you are doing. You are withdrawing early and it's because you are hurt about the possibility of losing this pleasure you have found in your life.

Shutting down is what we do to protect ourselves. No wonder you didn't talk anymore to your SPN - she would know this.

However - with your new found inner self you are able to see past this and bring yourself up. What you say about entertaining yourself in your own place - you see this don't you?

Girl - it's more leaps and bounds for you. I'm impressed.

Wisewebwoman said...

In one of my novels, alas unpublished, I write about someone who gets all her books bound in green leather.
Yes spring is here too, though I'm in a bit of a funk myself, very very sad, I should write about it.
XO
WWW

Mean Mom said...

I'm sorry you were told that your therapies had to come to an end. It must be at the back of your mind all of the time, wondering when it will happen. I can understand that you need to know if and when.

Cats like to be up high on a ledge, don't they, just like their tiger relatives?

We had a lovely sunny day, yesterday, but today is cold again.

Lane said...

It's unfair of them to tell you the therapies will be ending but with no date.

Nobody likes to be left hanging on, wondering what's going to happen. Good for you for requesting a proper answer.

John said...

I dpo hope you find soemreall daffodils.....my best. J

Great header iamge again - beautiful and active.

John said...

image, darn it...

Maureen said...

Ah, yes, each cat has his or her own personality, no? And you are so right about apreciating Spring. Around here, it comes and goes in a heartbeat. We haven't yet had a day in positive double-digits; they are predicting our first on the weekend. I'll believe it when I see it!

Poor Toby and Uberhund; I hope they are feeling better soon.