Tomorrow, tomorrow...

I am a bit worried about getting all the chores done before my American ex gets here and frankly, a very mild panic is grabbing a hold of me. I have to tell myself to calm down and very reasonably think this through and come up with a solution. It is not that there needs to be an awful lot done, but they are all chores that require someone with a strong back, which I don't happen to have at the moment. I am fearful of doing any bending and twisting and lifting in case of doing further harm. As of yet, I don't know exactly what is really wrong with my back and until I find out, I don't want to do anything that will mess it up further. 

Of course, at the same time I want to stay perfectly relaxed and act like there is nothing wrong and move about completely at ease. I try to use all the relaxation techniques that I know and adopt a good posture in whatever position I am in, whether I sit, stand or walk. I think one of the things not to do, is to slouch, so I constantly try to keep my back as straight as I can. I tell you, being mindful of your posture is a full-time job. 

For a change I am glad that the weekend is over, because I could do so little, that I was bored. Normally, I find all sorts of chores to take care of, but that was not in the planning this time. I constantly had to think of ways to amuse myself and cut the days up in little snippets of time in which I did in each one something different than I did in the one before, but sometimes I had a hard time coming up with anything good. In the end, I pretended that I was recuperating from an illness and that this was my rest and relaxation time. That helped a little bit and I also allowed myself a couple of naps. 

I don't recommend self injury because it is a very boring way to spend your days. There is only so much time you can spend behind the computer and you really do run out of dishes to wash. 

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in the morning to discuss my sudden stop of the use of the extra antidepressant and my use of the sleep medication now that I am dealing with extra pain during the night. I didn't think these were matters that could be discussed over the telephone or by email. 

And I have to wear a belt around my pants to keep them up.