Yesterday, when I told my SPN about my reluctance to go to the creative classes at the clinic, she showed some concern. She thought I was being overly confident now and that I thought I could do without the built in support of the system there and enroll in a regular course, but that I had not considered what would happen if my mood changed in the fall when things would become more difficult and I would be harder to motivate and need more encouragement.
It was obvious to her that I would not find this support and encouragement in a regular course where I would be required to attend every session no matter how I was doing at any particular time and that there would be no excuses for not showing up. I would have to attend the classes regularly just like any other person and not have an excuse such as depression dismiss me from my responsibilities. There would be no pep talks over the telephone from concerned individuals who would want to know how I was and who would try to talk me into trying to show up again.
In the creative classes at the clinic, there is at least an awful lot of leeway because they are used to people with "conditions " who need extra care and who are victim to extenuating circumstances. Although my SPN praised my willingness to be out among "normal" people, she also saw the danger in it, but she does want me enrolled in some sort of a program before the fall starts.
I had planned to cancel my appointment with the woman to enroll me in the creative classes at the clinic, but I have decided to go to it anyway tomorrow and see what she can come up with for me. Maybe there will be a good opening.
In the meantime, I have checked out the courses that are available for me to take instead and found out that they are very expensive. The ones that I was interested in taking cost several hundred euros each for 26 weeks and are only given at night. Of course, I can't afford these and would not want to go at night. There's no subsidy for them and the tuition is calculated on your age and postal code, which is very specific.
I think some things are meant to be and some things are not and there is such a thing as fate. So, that is what I will believe in then.
In the meantime I'm sitting here with a glass of milk, freezing my buns off. I washed my bathrobe and I think it isn't dry yet. I better go check on it... no, it's still wet. I will go to bed shortly and get under the warm duvet. I am yawning something awful.
Goodnight, dear people. Sleep tight.