I called back the ENT specialist today because she had said that I could always call her if I had any questions. My calling her resulted in clearing up a major misunderstanding that I had. It turns out that I don't have a tumor by my thyroid but that all the tumors are in my lymph glands by my lungs and around my windpipe, and that they expect to find the primary tumor in my lungs. What that means, in other words, is that they think I have lung cancer.
Considering that I already have metastasis, I know that makes the prognosis not so good, but I suppose I will not get ahead of things and wait until I have seen the lung specialist on Thursday. The PET scan is being done on Tuesday and that is when I will also have the blood work done. I think I am in stage IV, but I don't know the exact gradation. Only the specialist will be able to tell me after he has seen the PET scan and has talked to me.
I went into mourning this afternoon and called my sister so I could cry on her shoulder. She very patiently let me. It was as though the gravity of the situation finally dawned on me. What a rude awakening that was. It sure hit me hard. By now I am okay again and know how to deal with it. I am over the shock. I realize that I will not have a long time to live and that I have to get out of life what I can while I can. It is as simple as that.
I had a lot of pain in my back today and the pain medication was not working. In the afternoon I called the GP's office and asked for their help. The assistant called me back a while later to say that she had faxed a prescription for a stronger medication to the pharmacy and my sister picked it up. I took it in the early evening after the other medicine was out of my system. To my great relief, this new pain medication works much better and I am now almost without pain. I am ever so grateful for this.
I am not going to have any wine tonight. I don't know if it is a good idea to drink alcohol at all. I use so much medicine and now with this new medication, that is so strong, it may not be the right thing to do. I am going to stay up as long as I can, and then take my sleeping pill and hopefully get a good night's sleep. I was lazy and rested for most of the day after it was such a busy day the day before. It did me a lot of good, because I feel much better now.
3 comments:
The shock may keep hitting you, or you may find black humour in the situation - I think you know when to be gentle with yourself, when to be determined and when to go to someone you trust for support. Good that the pain is much less tonight, I hope you sleep well.
Confusion cleared up, and better medication. Sounds like two "wins" today. And a wonderful sister who will listen! That is awesome.
I hope you can sleep reasonably tonight, and have enough energy for tomorrow's activities.
Blessings and Bear hugs!
I can't imagine how you're feeling, not really, but I would think that you will be experiencing a lot of ups and downs in the next while. I'm so glad your new pain meds are working well for you, though - pain is so exhausting, and you need all your energy right now.
xoxoxo
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