In order not to go back to sleep prematurely, I have had two cups of coffee and two rolls with Gouda cheese. I thought they would pep me up enough to be able to sit here and enjoy the wee hours of the night, but I am having a hard time not drowsing off over the keyboard. I know that an intellectual pursuit always revives me, so that is why I am now writing this blog post. I am not making the claim that this is like literature or anything, but it is sort of a literary challenge for me. Especially if I have mind fog and am about to keel over from lack of sleep.
I do pick and choose my challenges and I like to live on edge only within certain boundaries of safety. I don't make it so hair raising that my life is on the line. I am not really that brave and foolish to create chaos and irreversible damage. I may have done that unwittingly in the past, but I am a wiser woman today. A wiser woman makes for a dull woman, I realize that because a lot of the drama is missing in my life nowadays.
I say, thank goodness for that, but I still have the automatic habit when I just wake up, to quickly check with myself to make sure that I have not done anything foolish in the last 24 hours. Like a drunk trying to remember his behavior when he was under the influence of alcohol.
I saw the manual therapist yesterday and because my back was not in too bad a shape, he managed to get it pretty lose and it felt fairly good after the session. We both were under the impression that we were making progress and I made a new appointment for next Wednesday. Everything went well until I had been home for an hour and slightly bent my back to look at something that was lying on the sofa. I heard a crack in my back and felt a bad pain, and knew I was back to the very beginning and would have to start over again from scratch.
I now think, though, that the manual therapy may not in fact be helping and that we still need to find out what exactly is wrong with my back. I am now undecided what to do. Should I go to the next therapy session, or should I go back to my GP? Should I be referred to an orthopedic specialist?
It is a problem that I really don't want to be faced with, but it is the reality. More than anything I am ticked off that this is happening and I feel frustrated. I don't deal well with my body letting me down.