Friday, June 20, 2014

What I do this for

The Cowboy caught the train this morning for Amsterdam and is going to be gone for a couple of days. I have to be honest with you and tell you that I miss him and that it is going to be tough when he goes on his vacation to Rome and Corfu. He is such good company and takes care of things so well, that it would be hard not to miss him, especially once he goes back to California. I try not to think that far ahead and enjoy the moments that he is here. It also helps that I know that he is having a good time here and that it really is a break from his regular life at home, which mainly takes place in the suburbs. 

I look forward to the time that my sister will live here and take care of me, although it is not at all sure if that is going to happen. It depends on if I do indeed have cancer and we won't know the answer to that until Wednesday. Very often, I feel so wretched that I am sure that I do and I am only waiting for the specialist to confirm it. There is something the matter with me anyway and my sister's help will be very welcome. In the meantime, I take the pain medication, or am impatiently waiting for it to do its job, and try to remember to take naps on time because they help a lot. 

The Exfactor was here this afternoon and had a beer and we had the kind of conversation that we used to have way back when. And that seems like ages ago too. Tomorrow morning he is going to do some groceries and bring chocolate croissants to have with our coffee. I am looking forward to that. As ex-husbands go, he is not a bad one and I do enjoy his company. He is much more an introvert, but he does have his good points. 

Things happen for a reason and I think there must be a method to this madness. There is a lesson to be learned out of all of this that I had not learned yet. More than one lesson, really. Once this is all over, I could probably write a text book about it (providing I survive it). I am already not getting excited about so many things that do not seem important any longer and I wonder what everyone is getting all worked up about. So many people have such short fuses and waste their time being angry about nothing at all. I am looking high and low for tolerance and forgiveness. None of us are getting hurt as much as we think we are. 

I have had my cups of black coffee and feel very much well put together. I thought coffee gave me heart palpitations, but I realize now that they must come from my thyroid problems. And so the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. 


VioletSky said...

Thinking of you.....

Maggie May said...

I sincerely hope that it isn't a serious condition and that tests will prove that to be so.

The times I've had false alarms.... so I do know what it is like to wait for results with a sense of dread.
Also the feeling of relief when your worst fears are not met.
Thinking of you.
Maggie x

Nuts in May