Sometimes you just feel that way

It is in the middle of the night and a while ago I talked to my daughter over the phone. Because of the time difference, and because she had been working all day long, this was the first opportunity we could talk in the last few days and I had been looking forward to it. We had a long conversation in which we talked about a lot of things that we found important now that I have lung cancer and my time is probably limited. 

We both wanted to say a lot of things to each other that we had not yet got around to and it was like we were in a rush to say them now. We actually will have all sorts of time to do that still, but it feels like we will run out of it. They were things that neither one of us had said to the other before and it is a shame that it has come to this before we do. But I am not complaining because it is good that we say them now. I am sure that we are going to do much more of this and I look forward to that. 

I am very proud of my daughter because she is the first woman in my family who has achieved full emancipation all on her own power. The place that she has reached in this world, she has reached by herself without anybody's help and I stand in full admiration of her. I am, without outwardly bragging about it, enormously proud of her and I told her so tonight. I do not know why this came as a surprise to her because it seems so matter of fact that I am. I hold her in very high regard. 

I now have to try to get some sleep or I will not be worth anything during the day. My sister and I are supposed to go for a ride with the car and have a coffee somewhere nice. She does take good care of me. I am not sleepy, but hopefully once I lie down in bed, sleep will come. I just took a paracetamol because my chest hurts. Maybe it will work in a little while.