Thursday, June 19, 2014

And many others...

If God exists the way we imagine him to in the western world, he has a wicked sense of humor because something is the matter with the pancreas of my friend M. The values that measure if there is, are way too high and she is having an echo done today. Of course, one thinks of the worst without actually mentioning it. Let's hope it is just an acute case of pancreatitis and not something more malignant. I am keeping my fingers crossed, for her more than me, because somehow this seems more severe. More than anything I want this outcome to be good. I can handle whatever is wrong with me, but not what may be wrong with her. And that is not because I am such a Pollyanna. 

I would light multiple candles in the Our Dear Lady Chapel if I had any faith in it, but because I am not a true believer, I think our dear lady will see through my scheme and not grant my wishes. I remember well the one time that I fervently prayed in a little church and that (to my horror later on) my wish was granted, and ever since then I know you should be careful of what you wish for. It may not always be the best thing in the scheme of things and be a terrible upset in the larger plan of your life. If it is not supposed to be, do not wish for it wholeheartedly. It is better to leave things up to fate. 

I am having my own echo and biopsy done today, but it hardly seems important, although I know it is. When I got up out of bed, I tried to pretend that nothing was the matter with me and that I had no symptoms at all. I acted like everything was a figment of my imagination and that it had merely gotten out of hand. If I keep convincing myself of that, I bet I will be as good as new in no time. The mind is stronger than the body, after all. Maybe I can talk myself into being healthy again and not be in need of any medical care and tests at all. I will tell myself that we are all lost souls on the wrong path and that we will soon find our way again. 

What excellent ideas I have sometimes. 

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