Wednesday, March 26, 2014

To try and try again...

Because I was (and have been) such a stressed human being yesterday morning, I decided to take a tranquilizer and after an hour I felt much better. I thought it was better to inform my psychiatrist and ask him if he objected to me taking one a few times a day because I was always so overwrought. He had been witness to this at our last appointment, so he agreed much to my relief. I ended up taking three of them yesterday and they make a difference between night and day.
I will never again say that I will never take tranquilizers because they are showing their benefits now without any of their bad side effects. I only reap the rewards at this point. I am glad that I don't have to fight the battle of keeping up appearances of sanity anymore, but that I now feel sane. It is such a huge load of my mind that I can't even begin to explain to you. I do indeed have a tranquil mind and it is very welcome after all that awful turmoil.
I also told him of my decision to quit the sessions of the course for bipolar people and he had no objection to that. I would not have changed my mind if he would have. I think I am pretty autonomous in that. I now face an immediate future that is much more manageable and less complicated and I am much more comfortable with it. But that is of course because I take the tranquilizers. Everything is easier with them. I do realize that.
Someone drew my attention to the fact that I may be a Highly Sensitive Person and actually, I have no doubt about that after doing some reading up about it.  It is not a disorder, but something that is part of your character and that you are born with and become more or less of as you grow up. I recognize myself in the description and found the helpful hints useful. The fact that I am, is something that I can keep in mind when dealing with my daily life and the people and events I encounter.
I suppose more than ever it is true that I come with an instruction booklet that especially I have to know by heart. But it is better than having nothing to go by at all.


1 comment:

Maggie May said...

I think if you live from day to day, then you take the pills when you need them and not when you don't! That way you don't have to make sweeping statements.
If you're not happy with the bi-polar groups then maybe it's best to let them go. You need to feel comfortable with them.
I think I'm a highly sensitive woman too! Not easy to live with some times.
Hoping you'll feel very much better soon.
Maggie x

Nuts in May