Because I was (and have been) such a stressed human being yesterday morning, I decided to take a tranquilizer and after an hour I felt much better. I thought it was better to inform my psychiatrist and ask him if he objected to me taking one a few times a day because I was always so overwrought. He had been witness to this at our last appointment, so he agreed much to my relief. I ended up taking three of them yesterday and they make a difference between night and day.
I will never again say that I will never take tranquilizers because they are showing their benefits now without any of their bad side effects. I only reap the rewards at this point. I am glad that I don't have to fight the battle of keeping up appearances of sanity anymore, but that I now feel sane. It is such a huge load of my mind that I can't even begin to explain to you. I do indeed have a tranquil mind and it is very welcome after all that awful turmoil.
I also told him of my decision to quit the sessions of the course for bipolar people and he had no objection to that. I would not have changed my mind if he would have. I think I am pretty autonomous in that. I now face an immediate future that is much more manageable and less complicated and I am much more comfortable with it. But that is of course because I take the tranquilizers. Everything is easier with them. I do realize that.
Someone drew my attention to the fact that I may be a Highly Sensitive Person and actually, I have no doubt about that after doing some reading up about it. It is not a disorder, but something that is part of your character and that you are born with and become more or less of as you grow up. I recognize myself in the description and found the helpful hints useful. The fact that I am, is something that I can keep in mind when dealing with my daily life and the people and events I encounter.
I suppose more than ever it is true that I come with an instruction booklet that especially I have to know by heart. But it is better than having nothing to go by at all.