I am emotionally stretched to thin at the moment because I have been providing first aid in emotional need for a few people in my life for quite some time as if I am a professional caretaker. I woke up this morning and realized I no longer wanted to do that because I felt so worn out from it. I also knew that I had to take care of me first and no longer play the role of savior in other people's lives. When the first person called in for the day, I made that clear immediately and told her that I would call her back after I had talked to my own therapist and that I did not have any answers to her problems.
I had an appointment with my therapist and decided to take advantage of the opportunity and talk about what I had discovered and how to deal with it and how to take care of myself in the best possible way. I filled the whole hour with a very useful conversation with her in which I did not waste one minute and when I was done, I had really discussed the whole problem inside and out. When I got home, I realized I was emotionally worn out and that I needed rest and self care and that from this point forward, everyone would have to take care of themselves.
Because I have a natural tendency to act like a professional caretaker, I will keep falling into this trap and I will have to keep drawing my boundaries. I also know that in the end, it wears me out to act like one and that it is not good for me to try and come up with the answers for everybody else's problems. People ought to figure out their own lives. I am too often, too patient and too long suffering. I have to remember that this is not my career and that I am not getting paid for it. It is not a 9 to 5 job.
I really feel tired and as if I want to sleep for a long time. I hope I do tonight.