I read on Facebook that someone was insecure about if they had done a good job raising their kids and I thought that sounded just like me because I am insecure about that too. This person wanted to be reassured by her kids that she had, but of course you can't expect such a thing. Out of kindness, your kids are never going to tell you the truth that yes, you have screwed up here and there because which parent hasn't.
I have probably done some major screwing up, but I could only ask one of my children if I dared because the other one has died ten years ago. I am smart enough not to do that because I don't want to put her in the uncomfortable position of having to give a diplomatic answer. Or worse, having her be brutal and telling me the truth that I would subsequently have to deal with.
I think I have not forgiven my mother for being an imperfect parent and therefor do not expect to be forgiven myself. It would be good if I got around to forgiving her, but I have not yet been able to and I don't know if I ever will. The wounds go deep and I don't know if I am even to the point that I can say there is scar tissue. I realize just now that this is something I may need to work on with my therapist. It is definitely an unresolved issue.
I hope whatever issues my daughter has with me will also be resolved and that she won't harbor a grudge. I have no idea with what sort of feelings about me she walks around with and I can only have my suspicions. I hope she takes care of whatever wounds I have inflicted on her and that a healing process can take place. She is a tough cookie, but I hope she takes proper emotional care.
It has taken me a long time to heal emotionally as well as I have so far, and I am not done yet. I have learned to deal with the things I have not closely examined yet, but I know some of them need to be looked at closer. I am in denial about some issues that I don't have quite the right explanation for. They would not hold up under close scrutiny anyway. Not all of my reasoning makes sense and would fail in a court of law. I should be glad that I don't have to take an oath.