Friday, March 28, 2014

The "S" word.

I have waited too long with taking my tranquilizer and now I am all in a tizzy. I am applying all the relaxation techniques that I know, but they pale in comparison to what a tranquilizer can do. It is my sincere hope that the one I just took is going to work quickly and woe is me if it doesn't. What I dislike most about this condition is how insecure I get, but it is also true that this disappears the moment the tranquilizer starts to work, so it has a lot going for it. I have to take one about every six hours in order to feel in the best possible state of mind. They really are a god sent and right now I can't do without them.
I had an odd day yesterday and felt very strange for a large part of it. The world seemed unreal to me and I felt disconnected from it as if I was living in a dream. I felt as if I was floating about a foot off the ground and could not get back down to earth no matter what I tried. I did try to reconnect to everything that was real, but it seems that I needed to go to sleep for a few hours before I could achieve that. Sometimes I exist in a haze and in a world all of my own that has little to do with reality. I think it is a good thing that I don't have any large responsibilities then.
I went to bed early forgetting that I was expecting a package, and I was just dozing off when it arrived. I had to take delivery of it dressed in my tank top and underwear because I was completely caught unawares. The delivery man averted his eyes when he handed the package over in order not to embarrass me. I was so sleepy that I did not open the package but went straight back to sleep and now I still have not opened it. I know what is in it, so it is not going to be too much of a surprise. The only question will be if it fits. There are two summer dresses and capri style leggings in it.
I am a few sizes bigger than I was last year and have had to buy new clothes. I am making my sister and my cleaning lady happy with the clothes that do not fit me anymore because I doubt I am ever going to be that little again. I very much enjoy being able to eat and don't mind being this bigger size. I have stopped growing and settled at this weight and am comfortable at it. I am not poofy or bloated and still am attractive enough. The most important thing is that I like myself.
I have uninstalled Ubuntu because it was nothing but a pain in the neck. I don't know why I had the silly idea to install it in the first place. Windows 8.1 is more than good enough.

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