Friday, March 14, 2014

The darn burn out...

As if I had not alluded to it before and had not been in danger of it, I have to tell you that I now officially have a burn out and that I have to take it easy for a while. It is not so serious that I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but one of my medications has been increased and I am going to be seeing my therapist more often. It was an accident waiting to happen and all the stress that I had been walking around with for quite a while, finally got to be too much and I could not deal with it anymore. I am emotionally worn out and did nothing but cry when I had my appointment with my therapist yesterday afternoon.
I felt like I ought to sit and cry like that a hundred more times about all the sad and traumatic things that have happened in my life as if I have never had the opportunity to do that. I really want to grieve and I think the stress from this past year and a half has made the need come to the surface. I have been trying to act like a tough broad, but I am actually not that tough. I act tough and like I am a cynic and eternally optimistic, but inside I am little and scared very often and I want a big shoulder to cry on.
Since I am surrounded by professional people, I have finally decided to take advantage of that and cry on their shoulders since they are made for it. This is not something I have allowed myself to do before because I was acting like I could handle things all by myself and that I should not be a complainer. I do not like people who whine about things. But then I realized that sometimes it is not whining but grieving about all the sad and painful events and that there comes a time when it needs to get done.
I have decided to, at least for now, eliminate all the stress from my life and to only allow in the more pleasant details and events. I am seriously going to draw my boundaries and protect myself from harm. That means I will have to stick up for myself, but I think I am capable of doing that.
I do have one ally at least, and that is my friend M. who, now that she is no longer manic, is turning out to be one heck of a supportive person who knows the meaning of giving and taking.

1 comment:

Wisewebwoman said...

Yes. Regroup. I've had to do that in the last wee while. And we all need to allow time for grieving, the what ifs, the what might have beens and accumulated sadnesses.

Rest easy.