Saturday, October 13, 2012

Early morning rituals.

When I step out of bed in the morning, my first feeling is to be excited about the coming day and about the world and everything in it. This feeling only gets enhanced when I walk into the kitchen to make a  fresh pot of coffee and subsequently turn on the computer on the desk in the living room. As far as I am concerned, all the possibilities of what is to come lie open and anything at all can happen if I give it a chance. I'm ready to be surprised and it doesn't even have to be only pleasantly. I'm ready for a challenge too. 

Of course, there have been enough possitive experiences now to make me anticipate the best and I know there are lessons to be learned to my advantage out of whatever sad and tragic event comes my way. That's why it is important to undergo each event thoughtfully and very consciously and realize the importance of it always. You mustn't underestimate anything that happens because it all happens for a reason and you want to store and process it very well. And in all of this you are your own best analyst and advisor. 

Things you must never do are escape in your joy and drown in your sorrow.. You can take flight and you can lie low but you must always in some way stay grounded and keep your eyes on the horizon and stay on a steady course.  

My sister Marianne's sudden death was such an earth shattering event, that it touched me, and subseuently my life, in a lot of ways. Some of the effects I felt right away but others are showing themselves just now, some weeks later. I know that I'm in some ways a different person now with a different attitude and it will take some time to make all the necessary adjustments, although a start has been made already. She didn't so much leave a gap as fill me with a whole new set of feelings and a change of attitude about a lot of things. I never would have thought that her death would have such an impact on my life. 

With the approval of my psychiatrist, I had temporarily increased one of my medications at the beginning of this tragedy but now that things have settled down, I have decreased it again because it is no longer necessary to take the increased amount. It is a hinder if you take more than you need and you start to not function optimally. The less I take the better and I'd like to keep it that way and be myself in the truest form possible.  I hate to think of all the people who are on large doses that have never been changed over the years and who may not need them. 

Tyke tells me it is time for his morning outing. I will finish my cup of coffee and get dressed and go out there in the cold morning air with him.


Connie Rose said...

Your change of heart after your sister dying is like the change I experienced after a young woman friend died earlier this year -- live now, there may be no tomorrow.
Have a great weekend! xox

Bernie said...

Accepting death and the loss of a loved one is a challenge and takes courage. When I found my courage to enter my pain, try and understand it I emerged a truly different person. I had more compassion and understanding for those who were hurting either with physical or mental pain. Life is such a ribbon of twist and turns. I have learned more lessons from my sadness than anything else. I have learned mostly just how wonderful each day is and the people in it only make it better. You are such a lovely and loyal lady my friend, so happy you are coming out the other side of grief. Your sister will always be a part of your life, sending big hugs and a big smile for your courage, xo

Wisewebwoman said...

I too have this delayed reaction thing happening around death particularly or someone's poor diagnoses. It is like all the world comes sharply into focus and each moment is so precious.

I too am worried about a very close friend who is not doing well. I don't post about it as it hurts too much.

You are doing well, my friend, slaying the dragons as they slide past.