To say that my psychiatrist was not pleased with me when I told him that I had added another antidepressant all on my own, would be putting it mildly. He is even going to consider if it is possible for our doctor-patient relationship to continue because I have damaged his trust in me and played a dangerous game. I did not protest against anything he said to me because I know that I was in the wrong and that from his point of view I had made an enormous blunder.
I did explain my reasons why I had added the antidepressant and that I had done the research on it, but he said that was still not good enough and that I should have discussed it with him first. I did point out his negative attitude toward solving my depression with medication and that when I made the decision, I was very desperate and that there was no one around to lend a helping hand. A phone call is just not good enough.
The point is, that these last two days I am doing better, although I don't know if the medication can work that quickly, and I am past the side effects. It is also starting to have a calming effect and I need less of the tranquilizers.
My psychiatrist is going to let me continue on the new antidepressants and he wrote a prescription for them. He said that he really hopes that my experience with them is going to be good and I will see him again in about three weeks. I am to keep in touch with him in the meantime about how the medication works and if I have any problems with it.
None of this leaves me unmoved, but at least I do know now why I feel so guilty.