Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Being assertive

The friend who always calls me so much and who is so codependent, I will call friend L, and just like I had expected, she called me in the morning after I had not answered the phone the day before. This time I was prepared and I gave her a good talking to about sticking to the agreement that we had made and that she should not call me again, and I am sure that she heard by the tone of my voice that I was angry. Of course, she had her excuses ready for why she had called me anyway and they were supposedly all in my interest, but I made the conversation as short as possible and hung up before it could turn into an argument.
This whole situation is one of the reasons why I have a burn out because it has been going on for a long time and it illustrates how I allow people to take advantage of me because I don't clearly mark my boundaries. I have a public persona and that one is friendly and polite and helpful, and it is the one that people are attracted to and feel that they can lean on and tell all their troubles to.
I am very much aware of the fact that this persona comes out the moment other people are around, and now I try to keep her out of the picture and let the Irene that I feel I am in my guts be present. One of the ways I can tell if she is, is by paying attention to my body. If I start to get aches and pains anywhere, especially in my neck and shoulders, then I know I am in trouble and I know that the public persona is doing her spiel. I feel I literally have to wipe the smile off her overeager face.
I get those aches and pains when I am by myself too and huge feelings of stress and I know that it is because I let how I experience life overwhelm me at the moment. Therefor it is good to take this time out to learn new behavior while I become aware of the kind that is dysfunctional.
You have to find out who you are in your deepest core and always be that person.

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