This is day thirteen of me being on my extra antidepressant and little by little, every day, I feel myself turning into a more contented woman and at times I even come close to being happy. Sometimes I even am. I have to get used to these new feelings and do not take them for granted yet, but I am learning to trust their presence inside of me and that they will not suddenly disappear.
This afternoon I have an appointment with my therapist and I keep thinking that I have to prove to her that I am indeed doing much better. What do I say to her? "Sorry, it wasn't your therapeutic talk that made me feel better, but the medicine?" She and I are still in our trial period to see if we can make our patient-therapist relationship work at all, and this is the third time that we are doing this at the insistence of my psychiatrist. And god knows I am trying.
I am not at all feeling normal because I don't think there is such a thing, and wouldn't that be boring? But I am feeling more and more at ease with myself and more comfortable with who I am.