Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Repeat performances...

I am suffering again, or still, from a bad burn out and by this time, I am in bad shape. I am under orders to cancel most, if not all, the activities in my life and to rest and this is exactly what I have been doing. It wasn't as if I really had a choice because I found myself incapable of functioning in a normal way. Being up and about is very difficult because of the many monsters that attack my mind and all vie for a place in the spotlight, and the best place I can be is my bed, where I safely tuck myself away under the covers.
The worst time to be up is the first part of the day and I often find myself in tears because of pure frustration and all the problems that overwhelm me and I am unable to solve. The reason I can sit here now, is that later in the afternoon things get a bit better, but I have also had two tranquilizers and they have relaxed me a bit.
I keep taking on more than I can handle, and when you are me, that very quickly is too much. I am not someone who can have a variety of events and exposure to people happen in her life. That all has to be dosed very carefully and it is really best if hardly anything happens at all. I need to feel very safe.
There is to be no increase of any of my medicines, but rather an analysis of what I am struggling with and an attempt to come up with solutions. I have to very honestly think through each problem from the beginning to the end and decide what to do about it. I don't have to solve it all at once, but can take my time. Just having the awareness is good enough for now.
I am exhausted. I think I am suffering from a shortage of sleep and that is something I would like to do a lot of. I am also unhappy, but that is not surprising considering the circumstances.  


Wisewebwoman said...

Bed, animals close by, many some soothing tranquil music.

My thoughts are with you. So, so, sorry you feel this way but know that it will pass, that is the only promise I can give you.


Connie Rose said...

So sorry you're having a difficult time of it right now. I agree, bed is the best place to be, animals near by. I, too, can only take life in small doses. Over time I've gotten really good about parceling people and activities out so that I don't get overwhelmed. If I have two things in one week that take me out of the house or out of Fortuna anyway, that's probably too much for me. I think you keep expecting too much of yourself, which admittedly is easy to do when you're feeling good. Might be a life lesson for you. Anyhow, rest up and be well. Much love xoxo

Z said...

You're so honest with yourself. Many people are not capable of that and I admire you. I think you have the enthusiasm, but not the strength to manage what you want to do. Cherish yourself, please.

Rob-bear said...

Oh, dear, Irene. I am so sorry to hear that you are doing poorly again. Things were sounding much better in you most recent posts.

There have been times in my life when I have been "incapable of functioning in a normal way." And I recall monsters in my life — particularly one huge Black Dog, who used to sit on me. I trust you can get good rest and "Pet therapy" from Tyke and Gandhi.

Blessings and Bear hugs.