Saturday, January 30, 2010
In the wee hours again.
As is usual, I'm having my second wind in the middle of the night after being woken by night sweats, but as is also usual, I don't mind one bit, as this is that time in my 24 hour cycle that I function well and that I like being up and passively active, because, let's face it, I'm not doing gymnastics here, but very quietly sitting behind the computer in the silence of the night. It's only my head that's performing tricks and that's not too much effort right now. I always seem more than lucid at this time of the night. I'm more clearheaded now than I am at any other point during my circadian cycle, though I don't know exactly why that is. I'll accept it as a given and not argue with it and take full advantage of it. It seems that's the way I'm put together right now, so that's what I'll work with.
Finding out that I have an overactive thyroid, I looked up the symptoms for it and found out that I have a bunch of them, such as over-tiredness, muscle weakness, (night)sweating, fears, emotional instability and depression. Imagine my relief when I read those things and the realization hit me that I had been suffering from these symptoms for at least the past six months to one extent or the other. I suddenly felt like I was not doomed anymore and I know that with an adjustment of the medication I will get better. All the hopelessness fell off my shoulders and suddenly the sun started shining again. I am not going crazy, I am just not hormonally adjusted well. What a relief. My GP was right to check my thyroid, although it was the furthest thing from my mind. If I could throw a party for myself right now, I would do it.
Well, that doesn't mean that I suddenly feel better now, because I've still got the symptoms, but at least I know the reason why.
Emotionally I'm not stable at all. I fluctuate too much for that. I very quickly go from a hallelujah mood to an agitated downward mood. It can happen within a few minutes and suddenly everything looks very different and I think the opposite of what I was thinking just before. My needs change and what I want to do changes. I want to find my safety somewhere else and no longer be exposed. I have to wait for that mood to change and for the other mood to return. It's a guess as to when that will happen. It's a very confusing thing. It's frustrating to think that there are hormones at work in my body that influence so many of my systems and that right now there's nothing I can do about them.
I'm sitting here in my bathrobe and my slippers and outside it is 0C and it's snowing just a tiny bit. There's supposed to be rain or snow today and that certainly brings us a lot of joy. At least it's not as cold as had been predicted, but next week we are supposed to get colder temperatures again and it's going to be freezing during the day also. Let's hope the weather forecasters get that completely wrong.
For me it means dressing in layers again and I don't mind that, but it does require some planning on my part. It means that I have to do some serious digging through the closet again and that's always such a frustrating job, because things slide off their hangers to the bottom of the closet. Luckily, all my clothes are clean, so I have a lot to choose from. Unfortunately, I have gained some weight and not everything will fit well or look good, but if I run fast nobody will notice it.
Well, it's time for me to go eat breakfast and take my medicines and find my bed again. There's nothing nicer to do on a cold morning.