Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Here we go again!

I just took Jesker for a walk around the block and although he walked slowly and stumbled once, he did a good job and much better than I had expected him to. The good part was that he asked for his walk himself. He sat beside me me his big questioning eyes and was more than ready to go when I got up. He had to do a tiny little poop, which is not surprising when you consider that he has hardly eaten anything lately. Today he did eat some canned food and after his walk he ate his treat. He's also back to trying to dig holes into the area rug to make a comfortable place to lie down in. So I would say that he's getting better. There is the worrying fact that he's drinking a lot of water and this could possibly point to diabetes, but I hope it's a side effect from the medicine, because he's not peeing a lot. It's something I have to keep an eye on this week and take him to the vet for if it doesn't change.

I'm back to having bad agoraphobia and being unable to go anywhere and I have had to cancel both my appointment with my SPN and with my psychiatrist. I was supposed to go to the post office today and also pick up some milk and a birthday card, but I was unable to do it. I fretted about it a lot and was in a huge quandary about it and felt bad about not doing it, but in the end I had no choice. The Exfactor is going to be here tomorrow and I'm going to ask him to do it for me instead. No doubt it has to do with not going out all that time while Jesker was sick. That got me used to being inside a lot and not being out there. It is an irrational fear. I feel safe inside, especially at night. I also feel safer outside at night. At least then I know what to be scared of.

The book I'm reading (Sullivan's Island) is a thorn in my side. I'm not sure if it's bad enough to stop reading, but it is not good enough to make me enthusiastic about it. It is not something that I especially look forward to. I feel like I'm reading someone's dramatized memoirs and I don't enjoy that. I don't know what is fact or fiction and I wonder how much of the book reflects her own life. I suppose in this case it would help if I knew a little bit of background about her so I could dispel the notion that I'm getting an intimate look into her life. I suppose I should Google her and see what I can find out about her. That might be helpful (I looked, it hasn't been helpful yet). I think I may do what I thought I would not, and that is stop reading that book. It's not what I had expected of it. I need to sink my teeth into something heftier.

I'm going to put my pajamas on and have something to eat. I haven't had dinner yet, but I haven't been hungry yet up to this point. Sometimes I feel full all day long from having eaten breakfast. I will watch TV for a while if there is anything worthwhile on. If not, I'm off to bed with a Kingsolver. Animal Dreams, I think.



Twain12 said...

glad Jesker feels better...do you think maybe your fears come from the stress over the Dog. Maybe it is your brain catching up with it all.
Sending you all my love

jeannette stgermain said...

I know that in-between feeling -too bad reading to go on, but not bad enough to stop! But I mostly do the latter, and a few weeks later I might pick it back up again, because I want to put it in the row of books that I've read:)
Have a good reading week!

Wisewebwoman said...

I know it is so hard to get into mediocre after something so good in the reading business.
So happy about Jesker, his spirits and energy have picked up!!

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Nora. That's great about Jesker being much livelier.

The less I go out the less I'm able to go out. It's horrible to have to struggle against this problem so often but if I don't then I won't be able to get out at all.

I much prefer to be out at night than during the day. I prefer the cover of darkness! I have no fears about being attacked or anything. That kind of crime is very rare here.

Hope the Kingsolver suits you better.

Bearfriend xx

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that Jesker is feeling better. I hope you'll be up to getting out more soon, too.

I'm like you when I'm reading a not-very-appealing book: I hate to leave it unfinished, but I hate to plod through something that I'm not really enjoying. I think, in my whole life, that I've only ever left maybe two books unfinished once I began reading them - and that was SO hard to do! (I must be OCD about reading!)

Gail said...

Wonderful news about Jesker. I am sorry that your fear has returned. Maybe you can pinpoint the trigger this time.

aims said...

So glad that Jesker is coming along.

Now about you. If this keeps up - at least talk to your SPN and Psychiatrist. They will be able to help.

Or ask your sister to come get you and take you out somewhere. Being with another makes us feel 'safer' doesn't it?

laurie said...

the jesker report leaves me speechless with happiness. excellent news!

Maureen said...

I hope Jesker continues to improve; so sorry to read he has been unwell.

Ah yes, I have a few books on my shelf that I never could get through. I always think I will still give them one more chance one day, hence I won't give them away. But there they are, collecting dust.

We are paying dearly for all that nice weather we had; this past weekend we had a blizzard and I stayed home, not feeling well. Now it is bitterly cold again. Oh well, there is nothing to be done but wait it out, is there?

I hope you'll be feeling better and out enjoying the fresh outdoors again soon. Take care my friend.