Tuesday, November 24, 2009
What's wrong with me anyway?
Here I am sitting behind the computer in the middle of the night as if I haven't got a care in the world and I have an appointment with my SPN in the morning that I just remembered about. So, I just took my medication and hope I get sleepy within the next hour, so that I will go to bed and sleep for a couple of hours. Really, I can be so foolhardy. I had visions of myself sleeping late and getting up all leisurely and sitting around in my bathrobe forever, or as long as the dog would let me, but no, it is not going to happen. I am so wide awake, though, because I slept on the sofa for a couple of hours in the evening and got over my worst need to sleep. I will come to regret this as I sit here in the morning with a very strong cup of coffee trying to wake up. It will be like going on a long journey ill prepared. And the weather will be bad.
It is completely quiet outside now and has been for a couple of hours. There is no wind and no rain, but on the weather forecast they promised more of the same for tomorrow and the rest of the week. It is just going to be bad weather. I think it stinks, because I have to go everywhere on my bike and it is so awful. I really, really dislike it. But then I have to remember that if this is the worst I have to complain about, life can't be all that bad and this too shall pass. Besides, I will find something else to bitch about when the weather is normal again. There's a always something, right?
When I wrote my last post, and I thought I wasn't quite coherent, I was actually a little hypoglycemic and a big bowl of chicken soup took care of that. I felt much better after that. I do have a tendency to forget to eat on time and to live on coffee and cigarettes. I ignore my hunger pangs and get so busy doing other things, that I don't realize that I need to eat. I get to the point that it seems like too much work to fix something to eat and I know I'm not thinking rationally then and have to force myself to do it and take the time to eat. I don't have snack foods lying around, so I can't just grab something. I really need to fix myself something to eat. If I had snack foods lying around, there would be too much temptation to eat them all in a short amount of time and have nothing left for when I really needed them. I've tried that experiment and failed at it, because I like those sort of things too much. It's better if I have none of them in the kitchen cabinets and have to prepare my food, so that I can't impulsively eat. The drawback is that I then forget to eat, or don't make time for it.
Eating soup is something I started to do just recently, I like the taste of it and it fills me well. I am satisfied for a long time afterwards. It's nutritious, yet relatively low in calories and I make enough for one big portion. I nuke it in the microwave and add vermicelli and soup vegetables for substance. It's a good meal.
I don't feel my sleeping pill working yet, but it ought to any minute now. I should start longing for my bed pretty soon. It will be nice to lie down and pull the duvet over me and get some shut eye for however long it lasts. I think I will send my SPN an email and cancel the appointment. It is only for a half an hour anyway and then at least I will be able to sleep long enough. I just can't face getting up after only a few hours of sleep. I will be incredibly grumpy and discontent. It will be like being dysphoric and having to go out on my bike in very bad weather on top of that. Besides that, the Exfactor is supposed to be here sometime in the morning and I don't want to miss him. He may be able to help me with some of the groceries. I also have to go to the tobacco shop and the post office to mail the books for this month. I'm mailing seven books to England and France.
Okay, I will end this now and email my SPN and then go to bed. I wish those of you who are also going to bed a good night and those of you who will read this upon rising a good morning.