Tuesday, November 03, 2009
How to not do it!
I had to see my SPN at 11 am. So at 10:15 am I laid down on the sofa for just a minute, only to wake up at 11:15 to the phone ringing. It was my SPN, of course. I had done it again. Missed another appointment. So we had an appointment over the telephone and I told her that I was not going to go those activating classes, with which news I kind of stumped her and she asked me to explain myself, which I did. She said that was all well and good, but that she worried about me not having any activities at all, especially not in the wintertime. That's when I brought up the activities that her clinic was organizing itself and she said, "But yes, those are real tough activities, those are for people who have not had any yet and who really need help." And I said, "Well, I really need help, because I was really not done with my daytime therapies yet, I am being forced to quit, I am not stopping out of my own free will."
(There's a long story that goes with why the patients from my psychiatric clinic can no longer go to the therapies at the psychiatric hospital and are being forced to quit before their time is up, but I won't go into that here. It all has to do with money.)
My SPN said that we would have to discuss it with my psychiatrist and I mentioned that I had an appointment with him next Monday and she said she would try to be there for it also, so we would be able to discuss it together.
I won't count on anything, but I'm not going to those classes, my mind is made up about that.
Well, just to show you I'm not out of the woods yet, I just took another Temazepam to calm my nerves. I feel I am teetering on the edge. I will have to go to sleep again to handle these tough times. I will get my book and lie down on the sofa, which is my second home. I think I'm rapid cycling and I need to go to sleep.