Monday morning...

I slept nearly 8 hours, so I'm satisfied. I wasn't that tired when I went to bed, so I said to myself, "I'll give myself half an hour to fall asleep and if I'm not, I'll get up again," and, of course, I was asleep within 10 minutes. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and repeated the same ritual and was asleep within minutes, maybe a few at most. One or two, maybe. Giving myself half an hour to fall asleep usually works very well, because I'm seldom awake longer than that. And it takes the pressure off, because I can just lie there and not worry about the time for a while.

Not too long ago, I would have gotten up in the middle of the night, but I have gotten over that bad habit and now go back to sleep like any ordinary person. I used to think that was impossible, but that was just a misunderstanding on my part and a fear of not being able to go back to sleep. That grew during my marriage and I hadn't gotten over it yet. So it's about time that I did. Doubtlessly it had to do with a heavily snoring husband or just another body in the bed taking up space. Now that I sleep on my own, a lot of that is much simpler.

I had a cup of coffee and am now drinking a glass of milk for my thirst, but I will have a cup of coffee again next. I need it to wake up properly, but I've already been out to take Tyke for his morning walk. There's a bright blue sky and sunshine, so it looks like it will be a good day. I didn't get to see a forecast, so I have no idea what the weather is supposed to be like, but I'll assume the best. The most I can do is look out the window and see if there are any clouds gathering.

I don't have much on my program today, except that the domestic help is coming and maybe the Exfactor will be by. I have to do the dishes before the domestic help gets here, otherwise she'll feel compelled to do them, which I don't mind, but it makes me look bad. The last thing I want to do is look like a lazy housewife. I try my best to have the place look good before she comes here. Isn't that funny? It's got to look clean enough so all she has to do is clean it properly. It does make sense. I'm not a messy person on my own. The dirt was old and I keep the place pretty clean. The Exfactor was like that character from Charlie Brown, the one who always had a cloud of dust and dirt hanging around him.

Oh, I'm yawning. It's time for that other cup of coffee.

Tyke is refusing to eat the food I gave him. It's something different than what he usually gets, because I'm almost out of that. This other food is really good, but he doesn't appreciate it at all. How do you deal with something like that? Do you take it away and keep offering it? Or do you get the original food? It's a mystery to me. I didn't know that he could be so stubborn.

The cats always get the exact same food and always eat it. They get the store brand fish menu. I never change it and they always like it. They are just dried kibbles, but it satisfies them and they have a great appetite for it. I suppose they aren't finicky cats. I guess I got lucky.

Speaking of food, I know I've lost weight, because I can tell by the way my jeans fit me, but I have no way of telling because of the lack of bathroom scale. I have to get another one as soon as possible, because I'm really curious. I have to hitch up my jeans with a belt and put it on the last hole there is. I'll have to find a smaller belt.

I have to get the show on the road now and decide what to wear. It will be fun to pick out clothes. I've got to put away the ones I've been wearing though, and in neat stacks.

Hope you have a great day!

Ciao,
Nora

I had noticed...

Yes, I know. I keep writing posts that no one reads and I keep changing the design, as it is now called, of my blog. Not only that, I also changed the fonts and the color to my liking. I'm a fickle woman and I'm going to try out everything I like until I can settle on something. When that will be I don't know, it may take me a while. I'm like a gold digger and I keep seeing bigger nuggets. I can't put down my gear until I've got every one of them.

I did a bunch of chores and Tyke helped me by going around the apartment with me and watching me closely in whatever I did. I don't know what he thinks when he's watching, but apparently it's all very interesting to him. He helped me make the bed by lying down on top of it. Now I have a bumpy duvet. He helped with the laundry by sticking his head into the machine. That helps when you try to get the stuff out. Nevertheless, I got some things done, just in time before my sister called me to ask if I wanted to go with her to take the dogs for a walk. It was funny, because I was about to call her and ask her the same thing. Telepathy.

The sun was shining and I wore my sunglasses, but I also wore my jacket and I was much too warm. Had I known how hot it was going to be in the sun, I would have left it at home. We walked a long way and part of the way we walked along the flags that were set out for a catholic procession. Sometimes we heard the marching band play in the distance, but we managed to evade them completely. There were people standing on the sidewalks along the way, getting ready to greet whatever holiness was about to come by. I don't know enough about it to tell you. I'm sure somebody will inform me. Maybe they carried a relic. It's a theory. The colors of the flags were yellow and white, if that has any meaning.

We passed a big stone block in the grassy verge and I said to my sister, "Look, there is the grave of a Roman soldier." She said, "Really?" I said, "No, I'm lying." She believes everything I tell her, because I say it so sincerely. I used to tell her terrible stories when we were kids and I didn't know better. Luckily, I improved as I got older. That doesn't mean that my stories got better.

Tyke had the runs right on some one's driveway. The people weren't home, but their neighbor was and my sister asked him for a bucket of water to wash it away. That's how my sister is. She's not the least bit embarrassed to approach someone with a request like that. I hadn't even thought of it. My sister is an extrovert, while I, in my Dutch incarnation, am an introvert. Anyway, the bucket of water worked and we could leave with a clear conscious.

My sister wanted to know how I was doing. I said, "I'm better now, but I was a bit depressed all week." She was surprised and said, "I hadn't noticed. Why didn't you tell me?" I said, "As long as I have some kind of control over it, I don't want you to know. I'll let you know if I really can't handle it." My sister counts on me to be there for her every day and I sure as heck am not going to let her know when I'm mildly depressed, because then she'll feel that she can't lean on me and I don't want that to happen. I am her big sister and I do want to keep functioning in that role. I do feel a sense of responsibility towards her, especially since we don't have parents anymore.

It's alternately sunny and cloudy and noisy little kids are playing in the street. Kids always shriek a lot, I guess it is necessary. That's the drawback of good temperatures. Kids are out and every time one screams, I think something has happened. It's very unsettling. Parents must have nerves of steel, but then I forget that I used to be a parent of little kids too. I survived it, although I think that all mothers have a simmering nervous breakdown that's not recognized.

At least my life is filled with reasonable people and sensible adults. I do count my blessings. And cute animals, let's not forget them.

Ciao,
Nora

A bright blue sky...

I woke up to a bright blue sky, but in the short time that I've been up, clouds have started to move in from the west. The sun is still shining, but I'm worried about those clouds and what they may hold. I hope it doesn't mean more rain.

I slept well enough, even though I went to bed late. That was due to my long afternoon nap, which rested me a little bit too well. Nevertheless, I fell sleep quickly and had interesting dreams about a house that I was adding rooms to and about a feral cat that had a kitten that was tame. Both the feral cat and the kitten were very beautiful and I had the feeling that the kitten was a clone of the mother. They looked exactly alike. An immaculate conception maybe.

I dream about the house regularly and every time I do, I add a room to it, never in the same architectural design and all with different views from the windows. I have to work out such things as where the doors and the stairways go and what to put on the floors and where to put the furniture. These are always very satisfying dreams and I'm sure they are very symbolic to my life. I'm sure I've mentioned this before and I'm repeating myself, but maybe it is news to some of you.

I just took Tyke for a walk and saw that there were clouds all over the place and it is chilly outside. I didn't get dressed, but put on my denim jacket over my pajamas, which look like lounge wear. I've never done that before, but I wasn't in the mood to get dressed. I was so comfortable in what I was wearing and I figured I wouldn't meet anyone anyway. Well, I hardly met anyone and I don't think they noticed, because I didn't notice what they were wearing. Now I'm sitting here nice and cozy again and I won't have to get dressed for a few hours. I will always take into account from now on when I buy pajamas, how they will look when I wear them outside. I could just buy sweat pants and a sweat shirt, of course.

I'm glad today is Sunday and I'll be doing chores that will give some purpose to the day. I don't have that many to do, but they will keep me busy for a while. I see things that need to get done all the time, but then have to remember that I do have domestic help and that they have to do some of the work too. I don't want to get over optimistic and start doing all sorts of jobs and find out down the line that I can't keep up with them. That would just be my kind of bad luck, although I shouldn't say that. In spite of everything, I don't really have bad luck, because something always works out. I have good luck in bad times, let's put it that way.

This month it is two years ago since the Exfactor and I separated. It seems like it was much longer. It feels like I have been single for a long time. I have never really regretted it. I have been lonely at times and I have missed him, but for the most part it has been a good thing and I have been a lot healthier on my own. It has forced me to face my issues by myself and that has been a lot better. Adding an intimate relationship to the equation only complicated things. I can't handle another person's issues along side my own. Personalities clash and needs get in the way. Now I only have to worry about my own needs and idiosyncrasies. They don't reverberate off the other person's. It's much simpler. Our divorce was final in October. I must look up the date and enter it in my agenda. It will be a good one to remember. The day I was emancipated.

First we have the summer, which so far is not looking very promising, although I have to remember that it is still springtime. Even so, it's not been a very good springtime. It's been cold and I've had the heater on often. The lack of sunshine is making my eczema act up and I'll have to get the ointment out. It was just getting better. The tan lines on my feet are still barely there.

It's time to get some work done. Duty does call. I wish you all a good day and good weather.

Ciao,
Nora

One more time...

It started to rain this morning and it wouldn't stop. I finally had to make a decision to go out in it, because I needed tobacco and I wanted to get some things for Tyke at the pet shop. I put on my hooded coat and out we went in the drizzle. Tyke didn't mind one bit and soon was one wet curly bundle of fur. When he gets wet he looks like he's just had a permanent.

I got him some interesting things to chew on at the pet shop, including a big dried soup bone that you could hit someone over the head and knock them out with. He doesn't quite know what to do with that, but he does know what to do with the beef jerky sticks that I bought, one of which he is eating now.

At noontime it had stopped raining for awhile and my sister called to ask if I wanted to go and walk the dogs. I thought this was a perfect opportunity to try and let Tyke off the leash, which I had never done. I walked over to my sister's house and we set the dogs loose on the big field in front of her house. I was very curious about what Tyke would do and half expected him to take off, but he did no such thing.

He liked the freedom and ran around, but kept coming back to us. It was fun to see him run around freely and enjoy himself. We walked all the way around the field and the dogs followed us and Tyke did as if he always had. When it was time to go back on the leash again, I crouched down and he came running to me. So that was pretty painless.

Because he's so low to the ground, he always gets very wet from the grass and his paws and the lower half of him are sopping wet when it has rained. It's difficult to get him dry and all day long he walks around being damp. Wherever he lies down, there is a damp place, so you have to be careful where you sit down. Luckily, he lies down most often on the coffee table, so that's no problem and the cushions on the sofa have a sheet over them, so that spot dries fairly quick too. You do have to warn people that you have a damp dog, though, in case it surprises them.

When we came home from the field, I realized I was very tired and laid down in bed and soon was asleep. I woke up a few hours later to go to the toilet, but I wasn't ready to be up yet and went back to sleep. I finally woke up at 6:30 pm and was completely over my tiredness and felt ever so much better. Sleep, or the lack of it, can make or break you. I seem to be enormously sensitive to this and can go from very depressed to alright just depending on how much sleep I've had. Lack of sleep can mess up my mood very much and the first thing I need to do when I feel bad is find out if I'm overtired, which I quickly am. I rapid cycle if I'm overtired and I don't do myself any favors by staying up.

I just walked Tyke for the last time today and it was chilly outside. It has stopped raining, but it is still cloudy. It's not the kind of weather that was predicted. I'm about ready with the rain now and am in the mood for some sunshine. I don't mind if it's not so warm, but I do miss the sun. It has peeked through the clouds a few times and it looked promising, but it disappeared again each time.

Saturday is always a little bit of a lost day. I usually don't accomplish much and I seem to save my chores for Sundays. The laundry is still in the washing machine and it has been for three days now, I think. I will have to hang it up tomorrow. I also have to sweep the living room and the kitchen and do the dishes. At least the weekends aren't the awful wastes of time that they used to be. I may waste time, but it doesn't feel like it. The days go by quickly and before I know it, it is Monday again.

No matter how you look at it, the weekend is a break from the busy week, even though I don't have a job to go to. I feel the same as anybody else and as if I'm on a break on Saturdays and Sundays. I feel more carefree and less responsible, when in reality I'm probably not. Less responsible, I mean. I'm still in charge of all the same things I am during the week. My main charge, of course, being the animals who completely depend on me. It's good for me. It makes me less self centered and less self occupied. It prevents me from too much navel staring and hibernating.

It's time for the World Cup Football, people! The Netherlands is playing its first game against Denmark on Monday. I'll be watching it.

Ciao,
Nora

Good Morning!

It's that time of the day again. Time to drink coffee and gather my thoughts and make sure my head is screwed on tight before I do so. I will give myself a limited amount of time to come up with something amusing to write, otherwise I'm deleting everything and going back to bed, which is where I think I belong anyway, considering I only had 6 hours of sleep. So, that is why I'm yawning and, although you can not see me, tear drops are hanging in the corners of my eyes and are running down my face. In reality I'm very tired still. I will be stubborn and stay up and write this post. After that I will go back to bed for a while.

I did walk Tyke already and make cigarettes with the last tobacco that I still had. I just checked my bank account balance to make sure I had enough money to go to the tobacco shop and all is sound and well. You never know at the end of the pay period, especially if you haven´t looked for awhile. It does get scary, but I´m always okay. That´s because I´m such a penny pincher. As a reward for my good efforts, I just ordered a book at bol.com. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, which came recommended by one of my blog friends. She liked it and her husband likes it (he´s still reading it), so it must be good. Stieg Larsson is a Swedish writer and I usually like Scandinavian writers, especially Swedish ones.

The new background to my blog does actually come from Blogger itself. It´s one of the new designs. I did end up picking one of theirs after I looked around a bit. There are a lot of choices now and you can choose any one of them in a multitude of colors. I was immediately hit by this watercolor. I appealed to my sense of aesthetics and reminded me of my screen saver. It has the same shades of pink in it.

I feel good as long as I´ve taken my medicines. You wouldn´t think it would make that much difference, but it does. In the morning it takes a while for everything to start working and until that time I don´t feel all that happy. I take my medicines as early as I can, without creating too large a gap until my noontime medicines, and then I drink coffee until the medicines start to work. It´s a real relief when they do and I feel a load drop off my shoulders. It´s like I join the living and these are not addictive medications. This is medicine I take in order to function well.

This has been just this week while I´m not doing as well as I was before, but I´m not in super bad shape now. I´ve increased my anti depressants and I think I´m reaping the benefits of that.

I´ve got to stop writing now, because Tyke is begging for attention. he´s doing everything he can to try and get me to stop doing what I am doing. He´s nearly climbing in my neck.

Have a good day, you all.

Ciao,
Nora

I guess not...

I had a cup of coffee and that lifted me right over my sleepiness and now the hands of the clock are starting to move toward the morning hour. One of the things I have done in the meantime is simplify the background of my blog to make it less cluttered and easier to read. Sometimes you have to go for the very simple design and not for the busy, full colored one. That's not always as obvious as it seems, but I did figure it out in the end. Less is more, as my friend Laura used to say.

Did you see that Blogger has a new feature? They now have "Design" instead of "Lay Out" and you can custom make your templates. It's more interesting than it was before, but that's not where I got my background. They do have some more interesting templates to choose from now, though, and more options for the colors you want them in, so it's not bad if you just want to stick with them. If I hadn't already picked out my background, I would have been tempted to go with one of theirs. I still may change my mind. you know how fickle I am. If it's there and it's available., I want to use it. Why let a good thing go to waste? I always want to try something new.

I've completely woken up now and will greet the early morning that will start with birdsong in about half an hour. That will be the official start of the day. Sometime after that the sun will come up, although it will most likely be overcast again. The temperature today is going to be 26C and we're expecting some rain this afternoon, but I won't hold my breath for it. It was predicted yesterday too and we never had any. I think we're too far south for it, tucked away in the valley of the Meuse.

I think the best thing I can do is take Tyke for an early morning walk, now that I'm wide awake and no longer under the influence of my nighttime pills. They're completely out of my system. I had taken them on time yesterday thinking that I would sleep early and long, but it didn't work out that way and turned into a nap instead. That's such a let down, when you're ready for a long sleep and it turns into a popcorn fart. I feel cheated out of my sleep, but no doubt I will make up for it later in the day. There's always the sofa to go lie down on for a few hours.

The first birds have started to sing early. They start earlier every morning and ever so cheerful. Birds must always be happy in the morning, how else could they sing such beautiful songs? I suppose they're not worried about hat sparrow hawk I saw the other day. We also encountered a dead pigeon on the sidewalk without a head. Tyke wanted to take it home with him. I didn't think so. I've seen more appetizing things.

I had changed the sheets on my bed, but now I've hardly slept in it and I was all ready for a long night. I washed the ones that were on my bed, because I'm completely caught up on the laundry. I have to go hang them up to dry in a bit. This way I'll never run out of clean sheets. Well. it's actually not the sheets I'm worried about, it's the pillow cases. I use four of them at once and run out of them. I have to invest in more of them, but have to go to Ikea to do it. They have the right size pillow cases there. A trip to Ikea is always interesting, of course, because of all the wonderful gadgets you can buy there.

The personal helper is coming in the morning and just as she's about to leave, the domestic help gets here. The one that works so hard until she's got a backache. She's an amazing worker. I don't want her to get a backache and she can take it a bit easier if she wants, but she doesn't want to. She likes to go hard at it. I thinks she likes to be really worn out after a job. It gives her a feeling of satisfaction.

The personal helper is a very maternal type, even though I am older than she is. She is a caring kind of person who mothers you. Although I won't say that I need to be mothered. It is nice to have someone be kind to you, though, and tough at the same time. She makes sure I do the things I'm supposed to do. That I'm committed to. We're supposed to go to the store together one of these days. I think I will make it an errand to the post office. That will give us a chance to walk there and not have to haul groceries back with us. I don't think I can carry groceries that far.

I think I will go look at the Blogger designs now and see if there's anything I want there. I am curious. It's also starting to get light outside, so in a little while I'll be able to walk Tyke. It will be real early, but it will be nice and cool. No dew treading yet for me, though. Tyke will want to walk in the wet grass and get curly fur. I always looks like he's been for a perm.

Ciao,
Nora