I have been trying to convince myself that I am in a good mood, or that I am going to be soon anyway, but it is not working out at all and I have to admit defeat. Then I tell myself that it is okay too and that I do not continually have to be in a good mood and that it is alright to feel crappy sometimes too. I am not going to resist this any longer and just give in to the feeling and allow whatever negative vibrations I have to come to the surface. They are not going to kill me, after all, and it will be good to examine what is bothering me.
It is impossible to be on top of the rainbow all the time, or to even be on your way to the top most of the time, although it feels that way to me very often. By nature I am a happy person and I have the tendency to be cheerful. Even when I am not quite happy, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is always burning. I see the glass half full and I am an optimist and always think that things will work out, even though life has shown me often enough that sometimes they do not.
I think more than anything, I am worried about my stomach and the problems it is causing me and the amount of pain I have from it. I start my days with 500 mg of paracetamol. The goat milk cheese and yogurt are not working out, so I seem to have a general lactose intolerance. Wheat is not agreeing with me either so I eat rye, but I think that I will go without any kind of grain products for a while to find out if that makes a difference. The kindest thing I can eat is my home made vegetable soup.
Luckily, the paracetamol is working now and I feel a bit better and my other medicines have started to work too. And then, of course, there are the cups of coffee I have had that have helped me regain some of my stability, but I am not out of the woods yet. This weekend it will be Easter and when we set the clocks one hour ahead in Europe. I must admit that I am not in a festive mood and will not be wearing an Easter bonnet.