Exuberance.

In my exuberance to get everything back to normal after I got rid of Ubuntu, I accidentally got rid of a whole bunch of images that I thought I had stored on my memory sticks, but it turned out that I had already removed them from there and now they are all lost to me. I am being somewhat lackadaisical about the whole thing and don't at all see it as the disaster it could really be. I know that I can get the photographs of my grandson and my daughter from her again and my artwork, well, that's gone and I will have to create new art from I don't know what sources, because a lot of that is gone as well. It is the kind of stupidity that I have not committed in a long time, so I am very forgiving of myself and I assume there is a reason for it and I will find out down the road what it is. Something about fate and karma and things in life happening for a specific cause and all that. There is no such thing as an accident.

Today has been a 'let's pretend there is no household to take care of day' and it has suited me very well. After I saw my SPN in the morning, I took a long nap on the sofa and I needed that, as emotional exhaustion needs taking care of also by getting some extra sleep. I had slept on the sofa before I went to see her and had gotten up just in time to get ready and walk the Überhund before I had to leave. Sleeping a lot always signals some sort of turning point for me and I hope this one does too.

I've lowered my dose of anti-psychotic medication back to the normal dose, as taking too much of it can make you somber and it is better not to take more of it when you are no longer hypomanic. I wrote my psychiatrist an email telling him I was doing this, but I have not heard from him yet. He has the final say on all my medication, but does give me some leeway when I use my common sense. I do have some on occasion.

I had to bicycle through the rain this morning, but it turns out that I have an indestructible hairdo. I have it trained and coiffed so well that it keeps it shape even when it gets drizzled on and blown about. You just don't touch it after it has gotten really wet, but let it dry and make sure you don't interfere with it. It dries like a little helmet on your head and then you can brush it into shape again quite easily, for it has kept its form. This works with short hair quite well and a very good hairspray, not the cheap kind anyway.

But now we have real Autumn weather and I have closed the little windows at the top of the living room windows and now I even have the heater on to take the chill out of the apartment. That's a first for this season. I have started to wear a scarf when I go outside and I have weatherproofed both my new jackets. Pretty soon I'll start wearing layers of clothes.

I had to get 2 pairs of leggings for my dance class and I got black ones and I am wearing a pair now to make sure I got the right fit and I must say that they are very comfortable. I enjoy wearing them a lot and can see myself wearing them when I don't go to the dance class. Maybe I will get more in different colors, but that means spending money and I think I've done enough of that for now and I need to stop doing that. I may look in the Hema department store and at M&S Fashion to see how expensive theirs are.

I just had my sister on the phone and she was short and to the point, saying in a very matter of fact way that she is not doing well, but that is just the way things are and what are you going to do about it. Not at all inviting to a discussion or an offer for help. So, I don't know what to do there. I am discombobulated.

I am unable to take the Überhund for a walk, because it is raining again and I have tried to explain this to him and somehow he has understood it, because he is sound asleep now. These are the dull gray and cold days of the Fall when the weather doesn't invite you to go outside and gather in the glory of the changes that are taking place in nature, although they are happening all around us. The worst part of it is the darkness of the day, which I fight by lighting the lamps in the living room to make it a bit cheerful in here.

Tomorrow is my ergo therapy class, then I have a one hour break and after that I have my dance class. I like moving to music and I don't think we'll be dancing the tango or the rumba. The more free flowing, the better. I do have feeling for rythm and melody and am able to translate that into the movement of my body. I can be quite uninhibited when I really forget myself and get lost in the music. I think it will be a good experience.

I do have to remember to bring my midday medication, as a matter of fact, I think I will use one of those little pill boxes that my mother collected and that I somehow ended up with. I just have a few of them and one of them will come in handy now. That is, if I can figure out where I've put them.

Alas, I need to end this post and get something to eat and possibly walk the Überhund using an umbrella, although that would mean he would still get wet and he doesn't like that very much. But he does enjoy getting rubbed dry with a towel very much and I have an old one especially for that purpose.

Take care, keep warm and dry, and don't let the lack of sunshine get you down too much.

Ciao...