Change.

Well, the really good thing about this mood change is, that I've gotten over feeling so chronically tired all the time. I now have enough energy to last the whole day, even if I get up early in the morning like I did today. I was up with the chickens and rattling away behind this old computer like it was an old Remington. I don't quite remember all the things I did, but it took quite some of my time and I was actually running late this morning and ended up having to get ready in a hurry. That meant taking the Überhund for a shorter walk and wearing less make up than I usually do, but nobody seemed to miss my eyebrows and since they are so blond, I think I will keep them that way from now on and pass myself off as a Scandinavian. I also wore less eyeshadow and I think it made me look younger and more innocent, and if I can look that way at my age, I don't know why I bother to apply all the artificial stuff to look better, when maybe I really don't.

So, this week I am experimenting with the minimum look and I want to see what people's reactions are, if any. I've got the trick with my hair down pat now. The thing is to brush it out in the morning with my head bent over and then to stand up and mess it up with both hands and then to spray hairspray on it. It only needs minor adjustments after that, and voilá, I have bedroom hair. I use Schwarzkopf hairspray, because it is like an invisible net of steel that holds your hair in place, even when you are on your bike and the wind is pulling at your beautifully coifed hairdo. The only drawback is, that you can't have a man lovingly run his fingers through your hair, but since I have no plans in that direction, it is no problem for me. I am only to look at, not to touch.

I have found, that I can now comfortably only eat half of what I was eating before the gastric band was filled again. Believe me, I tried to eat more, but was defeated after a few days and had to stop trying to eat the old portions. It seems that the gastric band settles over a weeks time into a comfortable place and then it will not allow you to do what you wish to get away with. I have hung over the toilet bowl quite a few times these past couple of days and I have to admit my defeat. Even the good little cookies at creative therapy are becoming problematic, which is a shame, because I always look forward to them.

I thought I was finished with my collages, but after I put the whole thing together, I realized there were some empty gaps. The page that said nothing but 'contents' in numerous ways, needed dressing up, so I applied upside down images of which I will remove the backs next week. The page that deals with my childhood, and that I kept deliberately bare and dull, was too dull and I changed it by writing my name on it with pen and ink right side up, upside down and side ways all over the place. I guess I want to own that page and put my stamp on it.

In the meantime, I have started another collage on a a large sheet of paper with upside down images that I am carefully choosing for effect. I may or may not add text to it, I don't know yet, it depends on what I find. There is a limited choice of magazines, although I have some new ones in my bike bag that I have to remember to bring in. That will give me some more choice for images and text. I think I have found my niche.

Coming home this afternoon, I found out that I had missed the delivery person and she had put the new cardigan in the mailbox and put a note in saying that she will be back tomorrow to pick up the other one. So, I tried on the new cardigan and I am not thrilled with it and have decided to go with something else altogether in green. I called up and ordered that and it will be here tomorrow and the delivery person will be picking up two cardigans that will go back.

I don't know why I thought I should have another cardigan in black when I already have two and suddenly it seemed silly and I came to my senses. Besides, every dog and cat hair shows up on black and I look like a baglady that way. Besoddled and unkempt. I will not go down in history as the lady that always was covered in dog hair. I do have some amount of dignity yet.

I think I've spent a large part off the afternoon walking the Überhund who can make very convincing and urgent noises that make me believe that his bladder is about to burst if we don't go out now this minute. He has very mournful looking eyes when he is in need. I dare not refuse him and give him a complex. I know that I will have several hours of absolute peace and quiet when I have taken him out, because he very contendly goes to sleep. He has such small pleasures and if going for a walk often is one of them, I guess i won't take that away from him. It is a nice break for me too, as I have a tendency to get very involved with what I am doing and I forget everything around me.

I think the change of mood is a survival mechanism for the tough dark and cold days ahead of us. Already it gets dark early at night and the temperatures during the day are not very high. It's not a kind season that is upon us now and maybe this is my reaction to it. First there was this desire to hibernate and now I have come out of my corner fighting and with an attitude that I will not be beat. I have to be a little bit more ruthless now. It is the survival of the fittest, after all. I do not wish to succumb to a depression. I have made that decision earlier in the year and I will do whatever i can to prevent it from happening. If that means having a big mouth and a chip on my shoulder, then so be it. I refuse to be a victim.

Well, it's time for the 8 o'clock news. I do have to keep up with all the important events. I have sent my daughter a message, but have had no reply. Batteries are probably running low.

Have a good one, you all.

Ciao...