Sunday, September 28, 2008

Trying hard.

I have been trying very hard to get caught up on everybody's posts through the Google reader, but it seems to be an impossible task that I can never finish and every time I go to read some more, more posts have been added and I do feel ever so overwhelmed, so if you don't find a comment from me, it is either because I have not read you yet, or I have read you, but I did not have the time or energy to comment. I do get so discouraged by it.

There is of course the very distinct possibility that I read to many blogs, but I can not make a choice between which I should stop reading, because I think they all require my interest and curiosity. They all have something to add. I try to stay loyal to the oldest ones, but get side tracked by newer ones, and there is just no end to my list of reading.

On top of that, I have a tendency to get very sleepy when I sit behind the PC reading blogs and I have to watch out that I don't fall out of my chair in a semi coma. Not because the material is dull, but because I'm prone to take naps during the day and my body wants me to move to the sofa for a nice lie down. Another sleep inducing element is the Überhund who snores right by my feet and who makes you want to curl up and sleep too.

I have changed clothes three times today, because I could not get happy with what I was wearing. It either was too cold or too bright or to revealing, until I found the perfect outfit which is just right in all areas, I will try and take a picture of it later so you can see it and I will post it here, if my arm is long enough to show you enough of it.

I am so vain now, that the main subject of my photo taking is me. I try to take pictures of myself at the cutest angles with the nicest smile. You should see all the pictures I delete in which I look like the wicked witch of the east, was it the east? Anyway, they are the ones that are most unflattering, in which all my features come together as being those of a woman whose face was put together under most unfortunate circumstances. I am sort of like Lady Di, I am not really good looking, but on some occasions, I give the appearance of.

My sister is back from her trip to Greece and I saw her just as she came home and her suitcase was laying half unpacked on the living room floor. She said she had mixed feelings about going on the trip by herself and would go on an organized trip the next time. I am sure I will get to hear the whole story some time next week when she has a spare moment.

Her dog was very happy to see her and did not move from her side and wherever she sat down, he laid down and rested his head on her feet and sort of mumbled with happiness. He expressed his happiness more than the children did. That's what dogs are really good at, unconditional love.

I am cooking rice in bouillon for the dog and me and I added a bunch of different spices to go with it to give it some special flavor. I am going for as much eastern flavor as I can and I hope it turns out okay. I can't add meat and I don't have any vegetables in the house, so it is just rice. I could have added fried eggs, but the last egg I have is a fossil and very badly needs to be tossed out.

Somehow I need to expand the variety of foods that I eat and that I can share with the dog if it turns out to be too much for me to eat. I need to take my time one of these days and walk through the store leisurely and see what sort of things I can come up with. It has to be all vegetarian and the vegetables have to be very soft. Onions would do and canned tomato chunks. I am getting pretty tired of eating the same things every day and I want some changes in my diet. If I base it on rice, that would be good, because rice is easy to digest.

They sell good ragouts at the store that I could mix with rice and they sell ready made Indonesian rice. That may all be worth a try. I must have a closer inspection of these things.

Thank goodness tomorrow is creative therapy, I do look forward to that so much. Nothing nicer than spending the whole morning being artistically challenged. In the afternoon, I and the ergo therapist have an appointment with my SPN to see how things are going and the option of me taking extra classes is going to be discussed then also. I know my SPN is trying to get me ready for the real world and I think my ergo therapist wants me to do a bit more therapy.

In the end, it all depends on what the expectations of social services are of me. I see people in therapy on disability incomes who are not worse of than I am mentally and I do have a double diagnosis and it is still unknown how well I will perform in the real world. I do fine in a safe and sheltered and predictable environment, but how will I handle the pressures of a job? That seems like an unreal and unimaginable situation to me and I don't know how to prepare myself for it.

The rice was very good. Both the Überhund and I enjoyed it very much and it is all gone and it had a very nice flavor, so I blended the spices well. No doubt he'll have to go for a walk next to unload all that food.

Well, those are all the kindly and good words I had to direct to you today. Oh yes, I didn't tell you about those forms I was upset about and now I don't feel like it. I will tell you tomorrow. I am less upset about them now, after the explanation of the Exfactor.

I hope you all paid attention to my profile picture, because I am about to change it again, I think.



Elaine said...

Thank you so much for my award Irene. I've been so busy these past few days and although I saw you had given one to me, I had no time to comment. I fully intended to come back and thank you, but I stupidly forgot. So my humble apologies are in order!

Have you thought about perhaps volunteering to work in a charity shop or somewhere similar for an afternoon or two? It will ease you back out into the working world very slowly and calmly, and of course it shouldn't affect any of your benefits. Then perhaps you'll have a clearer idea about whether or not you'll be able to cope with the demands of it all. x

Mike Golch said...

your profile pic is great. as far as following the blogs we do the best that we can if the blog set too much just mark all read in the reader as I sometines do when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

aims said...

Hey sweetie - I was away yesterday so missed the last post. What great pictures and what a great day you had! My aunt would drop through the sidewalk if she came across Andre Rieu! She adores him! But - I'm like you. I won't interfere with a celebrity. They have a life too. And Harry Belafonte! OMG! Now - there is a wonderful man. And so handsome!

Perhaps you could talk to your SPN about finding a job you can do from home. I know they are exceptionally hard to find - but with your computer skills you might luck out. I did some work for a custom broker - doing invoices for them - from home. I got paid $1 per invoice. I really enjoyed it and wanted to do more. But when my nephew quit working there they didn't give me any more work. Oh well. I'm so busy now with my own business that it doesn't matter any more.

You are still going up and down -do you see that? Not drastically - but still a bit.

Maggie May said...

Hello glamour girl.
Volunteer work is very rewarding & could lead to something else eventually.You have great computer skills.

VioletSky said...

Oh I know about getting sidetracked into reading somany blogs - it sometimes take me a long while to get caught up and I feel almost guilty for having missed a post...silly, I know.

Glad you are having fun with your camera!

Frances said...

love the pictures. The outfits are interesting and I can't get over the change in your face with the weight loss. Not being too personal, but your eyes show up so well in a smaller face, when you were larger they were much more hidden. Lovely bright eyes and still the mischief shows....
I know what you mean about pictures though. I am usually not photogenic at all, but occasionally I look really nice in a picture and I like to imagine that's what I truly look like... tee heee. Nobody is cruel enough to say otherwise, so I can live in my fantasy and just ignore those bad pictures...
take note of whether you carry on shopping next week dear friend. I remember that went a bit out of control in the past. Nice to enjoy yourself and get some new clothes, but keep an eye on yourself so you don't get into difficulties.
Yay on therapy and the rest. Keep well - glad the paperwork is not as awful as you imagined at first.

Mean Mom said...

I'm glad that I caught the profile picture before you changed it. It's a good one. (Not that the last one wasn't, of course!)

You do have a long blog reading list. Mine is shorter than yours and I can't even keep up with mine. I often have to lose sleep, trying to catch up and I wouldn't recommend that, of course!

Anonymous said...

Hi Irene,
I have deleted A Life of Triggers, but will be back very soon. I need a fresh start, I know you understand. Will still keep up with your blog.
Be good to yourself. You look great!

Bev said...

Sad to say, but I think Aims is talking some sense at last (LOL).

You obviously have a lot of computer skills and there are lots of jobs online. I have been looking into this, but sadly I lack the computer skills LOL

Babaloo said...

Oh, I love your new profile picture! Very cool. Keep taking pictures of yourself! You could try placing the camera on something the backrest of a chair, something that is stable and go with the self-timer. Will definitely lead to some funny acrobatics trying to get in front of the camera in time! ;-)

I don't know how you feel about pasta but that could be a good option, too. You could just add different sauces and some small chopped veg. Very tasty. Or risotto. That would be going back to rice, though. There are some semi-ready risotto mixes around in the supermarkets, you just need to add some water I think, and keep stirring.

Hope your Monday went well today.

Suessigkeit said...

Hey mom,

Wow!!! You have lost some serious weight...your face looks very thin and I can see your cheek bones and your bright blue eyes. You're looking like your old self again, from back in your California days. I imagine you must feel good too, no doubt getting around on your bike much more easily.

Your grandson finally got back to school today after 11 days missed due to the hurricane. Thank goodness! It's quite something to be back on a normal routine again. Will call you on the weekend again to catch up.

Big x, your kiddo

PS: Email some of your new photos!!!

John said...

Irene, thanks for your visits and creative comments - like the portrait you are using....take care.

Wisewebwoman said...

I just love the new pic, Irene, you look more accessible in it, hard to explain. I got 96% on that test you offered.
Maybe like some suggested some volunteer work is in order. You would be so good.
It seems your life is SO coming together at last, dear Irene.